Conversation Rather than Shaming

I was thinking about how I get hit on a lot in Ubers and how that makes me uncomfortable.

My question was a) does anyone else experience this? b) why don’t the guys see this as a problem?

Then I thought about one of my favorite This American Life episodes where a woman decides to interview catcallers. She had done her research and found that  the majority of women get really uncomfortable by catcalling.  She chose to engage these men intellectually in conversation about this.

She asked them why they did it and what they wanted out of that interaction and their answers were quite interesting. Then she explained her point of view and the majority of women’s point of views. Some of these men realized they were actually getting the opposite of what they had intended. Some of them even told her they would never cat call again!

As I’m thinking about my Uber driver experience framed in the light of all of these harassment cases I’m realizing the saddest thing is that sometimes men just don’t know how their actions effect others.

Some people grew up in such broken homes they don’t know what appropriateness means. They have to have it explained to them in a way that they will understand. It’s like sending men back to pre-school but it’s necessary.

I see gender bashing happening more often than before. But the problem is not gender. The problem is not bad people. The problem is wrong mindsets.

As a society we support rehabilitation for criminals and then turn around and villanize sex offenders. I don’t think we realize how hypocritical that is. We extend grace but only to a certain extent. We choose to disengage in conversation with people who we believe will never understand.

I certainly support making examples of people. I’ve seen it done well in a really out of control preschool class. That should not be the norm though. We should not be shaming people every minute to make up for the crimes they committed.

What would change in our culture if we stopped pointing fingers and started understanding even the hardest criminal? What would happen if we stopped shaming perpetrators but instead chose to engage in conversation with them about truth?

I feel like we are in a good place as a society as we are publicly discussing morals. What is absolute truth and how can we bring people into an understanding of right ethical behavior? I think we need to start with compassionate conversation.