Thoughts on Omniscience

My friend posited that relationship is predicated on the unknown.  Specifically in the context of the Bible, why would God be so emotional unless he didn’t know if we were going to choose him or not?  Therefore, God must, at certain points choose to not know something.

I thought about it in the context of our humanity.  We have this desire to fully know.  The very questioning of this argument comes from this desire to understand all things.  Why would God give us that desire if it wasn’t a Divine attribute?

I think the triune God embodies the highest form of relationship.  As such he demonstrates that he fully knows.  The Bible says, “For now we see through a mirror dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part, then I shall know fully, even as I have been known” (I Cor 13:12).  I think what he is talking about here is not just being known relationally but also knowing what will happen.

Saying you can’t have relationship without the unknown is like saying that you can’t have good without sin.  The knowing came first.  We created the unknowing by separation.  It was not his un-knowing but our own.  We were always meant to operate in knowledge.  Knowledge is intimacy with him, the perfect all knowing one.  The Bible says that knowledge is intimacy.  It literally says when Adam had sex with Eve that he knew her.

The question remains: how can God know [all the evil, all the suffering] and not do something?  Also, if God knows what is going to happen, why does he get emotional?

I see foreknowledge more like string theory in that there are multiple possibilities and outcomes as there are multiple dimensions and somehow God sees the interplay of all of them.  He knows what we will choose.

He gives us a choice but he wants us to listen to him to choose wisely.  Twice in my life I heard almost an audible voice from God warning me that the decisions I was about to make would cause me harm.

The first time I had locked my sisters out of the house because I was angry with them.  An argument ensued resulting in glass window crashing down on us and blood pouring from my arm.  But as I was locking the door before this happened I heard God say in this gentle but pleading tone, “Don’t do this.”

The second time I was about to date a guy I shouldn’t have been dating.  God spoke to me so clearly that it was not the right choice.  I did it anyway.  It caused me great emotional pain.

Yet even though I had not chosen his best in these situations.  Even when I disobeyed his voice, he did not leave me.  He was constantly drawing me to himself.  I remember interestingly when I was with the guy I shouldn’t be with I couldn’t feel God’s presence but when I was not physically present with him I would feel God’s presence again.  It was so bizarre but it showed me God loved me but he was not in the center of the relationship.

I believe the answer then is that he is doing something.  He’s speaking.  He’s always moving on our behalf even when we don’t know it.  He is our judge and advocate and he will make the wrong things right (Isa 35:4, Isa 63:4, Isa 59:15-18).

The very beauty of God I believe is his emotional response to his creation.  He knew he would raise Lazarus from the dead but yet he pauses to weep for the living ones.  He fights darkness but as long as his children can choose evil, darkness must remain.  So he waits and he weeps.  Remember that Ishmael’s mother called him “the God who sees.”  He shows his emotions to draw us after himself.

How many of you want to be in a relationship with someone long term who hasn’t said, “I love you”?  You want a guy or girl who has cried over you and told you that.  You want someone who says you’re worth the risk of me opening everything to you.  God lifting the veil of Heaven so we can see his anger, his joy, and his tears reveals his heart for us.

The Pursuit of Knowledge

I’ve always loved the pursuit of knowledge. I know God hides mysteries so that we will seek them out. When I’m reading a well written article or hearing a well thought out argument I am so excited because it challenges me to think more about my own perspective.

For many years I’ve been attracted to men who thirst for knowledge. I realize it was the reason I dated the man I dated and why we spent countless hours debating God and existence. He challenged me. I loved it.

I think the reason my love of knowledge takes the shape of a love of humans who love knowledge is at first not a bad thing. I am person who naturally tends to accept the world the way it was presented to me. One person told me “You’re called to faith. I’m called to doubt.” While I do not think the things are mutually exclusive I do understand what he was pointing out: my intrinsic personally has faith that the world functions the way it functions and my knowledge does little to change that.

I remember asking my ex one day something along the lines of, “what do you think will solve the worlds greatest problems, reason or love?” When given a choice between reason and love, he chose reason. I chose love.

My personality looks at everything through the lens of relationship. Therefore it makes sense that I view my love of knowledge as an extension of myself with the goal being better engagement with other human beings.

I had a wake up call recently that I wasn’t really thinking about things anymore. Someone challenged me again and I just sat and thought for hours. I feel like it can become a perilous trap to always seek after others who hunger knowledge to challenge me. Relationships grow and change but you are always in control of your own mind.

So, while I’m so grateful for iron sharpening iron and this new hunger for knowledge placed inside me, I recognize I should be challenging myself. I’m asking myself: How can I grow in my pursuit of knowledge? What are the barriers to this? Why do I think I need other people to research things for me? Why don’t I feel confident in my left brain? Why am I the champion of emotions over reason? Like Solomon I want wisdom.  Wisdom owns knowledge and emotions.

My father, the person who spoke identity over me when I was young is built differently than me. He has a huge thirst for knowledge and as a mechanical engineer wants to understand how everything works. Since I was young I unknowingly differed to him because I believed he was smart and I was dumb. That lie has taken various forms but it has been something I’ve fought my whole life.

Its fascinating how the very thing I should be receiving from my father I am handing back to him. Hunger for knowledge for the benefit of mankind is actually my inheritance. My father has done sound at my church my entire life. Mind you, this is 20+ years of volunteer work for a church that actually employs people to do things. His desire to “figure things out” serves many people. It’s my inheritance.

As a female I think this point is also important. I’ve heard this over and over again from females so I know it’s not just me: we tend to be intimidated by the confidence of the men around us. So while we spend countless hours practicing, rehearsing, and thinking about a plan of action. When I a guy comes in with the opposite action but more confidently presents it, we instantly defer. “He must be right.” This becomes even more true when the men in the room multiply.

Don’t let the powerful people around you cancel you out.  I was singing back up on a team one day and I was just so happy that a guy on the team was singing I wasn’t pressing in for what I was supposed to release.  Find a way to support their power without negating yours (I feel like this is a blog post in and of itself).
The truth is that I am wise. I am more than capable. Yes, I was given a family to strengthen and encourage me. Yes, maybe my goals of seeking out truth are different than other people. However, I wasn’t meant to take a back seat and watch. I was meant to go after things. I want to be in the driver seat of my mind.

Struggling for a Metaphor [Prose by Me]

You’re stronger than you think, Jennie.

The words echo in my ears as I ponder the play I have just read.

Tennessee Williams, the author, comes up with these metaphors that are so poignant in every play he writes.

They are tragic though.

A delicate girl is a glass unicorn.  A girl who is full of passion is burning fire.  A girl who is married to a gay man and desperately wants to sleep with him is a cat scrambling on a hot tin roof.

I thought, as a writer, what metaphor could I use that is not tragic but empowering.

I hear

You’re stronger than you think, Jennie.

Right. Because I have been remembering how often I have been compared to that glass figure.  Yet then how often I have heard the opposing voice say those empowering words.

Perhaps that’s why I like birth so much.  It completely amazes me that women are so strong.  It makes me want to be strong.

The opposite of fear is strength really.  It’s the confidence in knowing who you were created to be.

I was created to bear.  To bear

To bear children

To bear weight

To bear promises

To bear trust

To bear responsibility

To bear hope

It is indeed a lot to carry.

Is the metaphor a pregnant woman?  Is it simpler than that?

I want it to be something that regenerates.  I think because that speaks most to my love of inner healing and growth.  Yes, I often feel drawn to the tragedy of plays like the Glass Menagerie because they speak to that part of my soul that feels so easily shattered.

Yet truth all the while whispers in my ear:

You’re stronger than you think.