Age of Injustice Part 1: The cases of Leo Frank and Michael Brown

This is a blog series that I am hoping to expand into a theatrical work of art that also expands the conversation.  The basis for my work, though I hope it will be clear as it unfolds, can be summed up in a quote by renowned, local activist Kevin Powell.  This is my thesis and this is my cry: “But we've got understand the difference between proactive anger that builds and creates something, like a movement, and the reactionary anger that simply wants to lash out and destroy. We've got to decide do we want freedom, justice and power with a clear vision on how to get to those places, or if we only want to vent and spit, until the next Michael Brown is killed.” 

In December I performed in a musical called Parade.  The story is an ancient who-done-it mystery that follows the events up to and proceeding the court case of Leo Frank who was later pardoned (after his death) for the conviction of raping and murdering a 13-year-old girl (and they still don’t know who actually did it).

I’ve always thought this story was important but I was particularly interested in how the story happened to play out co-currently with Michael Brown’s case and all that erupted over America as a result.

The parallels between Michael Brown’s case and Leo Frank’s case are haunting.  For one thing, Jews were hated and feared in the South in the early 1900s.  Jewish Northerners were feared because they stood for industrialization and taking people’s jobs away.  They were unwanted outsiders.

Blacks have been historically hated.  It is not possible to deny that their oppression has been the bedrock of this nation and we have not fully repented for it.  The root of this hate is similarly fear.

I read an article in the New Yorker about a kid who was sent to Rikers Island for a crime he didn’t commit simply because he was black.  This is a recent story.

In all 3 cases, these men were the targeted “other.”  Leo was targeted for his different heritage and Michael and this kid were targeted for the color of their skin.

The stories are microcosms of a greater struggle.  In many ways, Michael Brown and Leo Frank were scapegoats in a political battle that ultimately is greater than both of them.  To some, they were an excuse for further segregation and hate.  To others, it was a turning point for decisive action.  In both stories there was something bigger going on: there is a rising cry coming forth against injustice in the land.

An eery real life parallel is worth mentioning: The night of our last all cast rehearsal before dress rehearsals was the trial that would ultimately decide Michael Brown’s killer’s fate.  Our director actually stage manages for a news show and couldn’t make our rehearsal.  As we fictionally put Leo on trial, there was a real live court case on air! 

In many people’s eyes, the case was lost because blood cries out for blood.  I have to say though, there’s a greater blood.  Furthermore, there has to be a greater vision.

Audacious Love: Emotions and Truth

January 1, for me at least, is always the beginning of a few days of quiet reflection.  I don't know, maybe I'm behind the rest of the world but I always feel like before that I'm still catching up from Christmas!  I'm sharing this story because I had this incredible experience two weeks ago and I think it ties into some of the things bubbling up in my heart today.  I'm going to be really vulnerable.  This is my gift to you.  I want you to have the same hope as you are considering last year and looking forward to 2015.

"Words words words!  I'm so sick of words!" I remember singing as Eliza Doolittle in a production of My Fair Lady.  The point was "if you're in love, show me!"  I think that's the best way to start off this post.  I have a longing to be shown love in a very real way that touches my body, soul, and spirit.  I have to say I know a man who loves me more than anyone because he has shown me time and time again.

(I'm gonna make some pretty audacious statements.  Know you were warned and please keep reading anyway.)

I was on the train home and I was pretty angry because I knew that I had done something wrong and it was beginning to click in my mind that I was caught in a pattern.  I started complaining about the Devil.  I said a bunch of things in my mind and then I thought, "The enemy is smart."

All of a sudden I heard a voice say in my head, "The enemy is smart. But I'm smarter."

I was caught off guard because I didn't expect God to invade that pity party.  I really didn't.  Not only that but I when I heard the words I felt his presence like he was sitting right night to me.  The fear of the Lord (this intense feeling of awe and wonder) came over me.  I raced off of the train towards my apartment becuase the emotions were so strong I thought I was going to burst.

Then God told me to (burst emotionally).  As I felt this intense closeness to the Lord I felt like weeping and screaming all at the same time.  I started railing at this man (Jesus) because I knew he had my full attention.  I mean, he was right there.

Audacious truth #1 (I'll revisit): God's ok with our emotions.

Pause for a moment and think about it.  The God of the universe just intercepted a private pity party (he wasn't invited) and told me he's smarter than the devil and then I sart screaming at him.  You're probably thinking "Some Christian."  I can tell you right now though that HE was the one who nudged me.  It was him beckoning me that gave me full assurance.  It was his presence that did not leave the entire time that I went off on him about my circumstances.

Here's where I throw caution to the wind and lay it all bare.  The pattern starts when I have a crush on a guy. It seems healthy and godly and, dare I say, almost perfect. Then the relationship doesn't happen (also something that I recognize as from The Lord and healthy). My perception of rejection and loneliness in my life then sends me in a tailspin of looking for validation in men. The ache, the loneliness grows and then I actually meet another guy (or guys) who meet every worldly longing in me but cannot satisfy the godly "yes" in my spirit. I ignore the warnings and allow myself to fantasize (I'm not doing any harm, right?) and pretty soon convince myself that it's ok to go out with him once (I mean, he's eventually going to reject me too, right? So why not give in to immediate fulfillment.)

Audacious statement #2 Sin = anything outside the will of God.

I mean, the first time I actually went out with the guy and, when I did, I felt sick to my stomach.  I knew: bad decision.  Holy Spirit kept warning me.  This last time I just fantasized.  No biggee, right?  Wrong.  In God's goodness he stripped away the guilt (the enemy's talk) and revealed holy, perfect conviction which only brings truth and encouragmenet for the future.

He told me what actually went down.

"Fantasizing is simply disbelieving the truth that I have something better for you. You say with your actions that you're waiting but in your heart you doubt whether I'm telling the truth."

He was right.  I felt so rejected I subconciously thought, "God's screwing with me.  I'm gonna go take matters into my own hands."

The fact that the guys were so clearly not what God had for me was what made the story even more painful.  As the Lord was gently going over this with me he reminded me of this quote by C.S. Lewis in his book the Weight of Glory, “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

I was playing in the mud because I couldn't imagine actually having what I desired.  Which brings me to the next thing he wanted to show me.  He showed me that the opposite of agreeing with God in prayer is contending against his desire for you in rebellion.

Audacious statement #3: I want a man who is on fire for the Lord.  I want a man who loves theater.

So the guy doesn't show up or the guy who I think he is isn't the right guy and then I am no longer praying but acting out in rebellion.  Which is sin because sin is anything outside God's will.  What's God's will?  The beautiful, good, and true desires.  The most audacious statement that I just made.  That's God's will for me.

I read a story once about a girl who characterized her married life as being full of grief for not having had children.  The grief she nicknamed her "central sadness."  I thought that it was interesting that she could name her emotions and know instantly what they were linked to.

I think 2014 has really been a year marked by learning about my emotions.  No wonder this woman's story fascinated me.  No wonder every time I see a person deeply in touch with their emotions (people who cry on trains or when they are next to a guy who hurt them) I champion them in my mind.  God is unlocking emotions that I never thought I had.

Audacious statement #4 God wants us to be aware of our emotions.  It's really important for us to recognize them, pinpoint where they are coming from, and let the Lord validate them.  I used to think that God was not ok with anger and sadness.  (That was wounding that came from my mom who was working from a skewed toolset handed down from her mom who was a mom in the 50s so that's just rough.  Everyone was perfect in the 50s.)  Well, he is a joyful God.  But he also weeps.  

This is really important because this is where I got confused.  When I was yelling at God I was saying, "But in this acting class they told us to act on all our impulses but that's not right!  But then how am I supposed to have all these emotions if I can't act on them?!"

Soon after God told me he's smarter than the Devil, he made this profound, audacious statement (#5 if we're keeping track).  Now, at the time, I didn't fully catch his meaning.  Then, as I stayed in his presence a little while longer, I began to understand it.  Here's what he said: "There's a storm all around me."

Ok, yes, Lord, there is a storm all around you.  Thanks for the Revelation tutorial (Revelations tell us that lightning and thunder come out of the throne of God).  I can read Mike's commentary for myself. (No I didn't say that but I have made similar statements to the Lord in the past.  Remember, he's ok with that.)

Here's what I LOVE about the fact that he said that.  He loves pictures.  I love pictures.  The storm = his emotions.  God was saying he has all this pent up emotion.  He's furious at injustice.  He wants to make wrongs right.  But he hasn't fully revealed himself as the righteous judge because he is holding back the floodgates till the appointed time.

It's a relifef that people aren't being struck down by lightning and thunder right and left.  But why is that? God has all of this emotion but he's also knows everything and is perfectly wise.  He knows how to direct his emotions to where and when they belong.

This story gave my friend so much hope and my prayer is that it does the same for you.  Let 2015 be a year where we become even more outrageously emotional.  Let it be a year where we cry on the subway or just let off steam to the Lord in our bedroom.  In so doing he will reveal the secret places of our heart that beat in tune with his and cast away the unnecessary restraints of the gods of this world.  The truth is not that all our impulses are good.  No, the truth is that we have assurance that God has a plan for us (always) and if we look to him he will help us direct our emotions, thoughts, and prayers to where they need to go.