Has anything ever been just sitting on your desk and you’ve been avoiding it? Sometimes purposefully and sometimes not?
Putting together a new audition book has been on my to do list for months now. The last month some legitimate things crowded out this objective: working overtime because I’m not in a financially great place for the holidays; my roommate getting married; and prepping last minute for a singing at church and at said wedding.
Afterwards however I found myself looking for other things to do instead. Procrastinating did not used to be my style. If I didn’t get something done I would be pretty upset.
Why the change, I wonder? Why did I suddenly not want to do the very thing I love the most.
I don’t like shopping. I will go to a large store (sometimes many) and spend a whole day scouring for some particular item and then come out exhausted and empty handed. The reason I hate shopping is my fear of disappointment after a long day of labor.
Much like my disgust for shopping, I realized before I even started procrastinating that I have a lot of emotions attached to auditioning or even finding the right music because I’ve become accustomed to disappointment.
When I get emotional about something I take a step back until I feel like I can jump into it. This was not my idea. As someone who communes with the Triune God, I felt him beckoning me away again. I felt his jealousy for my heart.
In the process I began to rise above the tumultuous storm surrounding me. I recognized both the atmosphere of hopelessness that I was coming under and the age old lies I was believing about myself.
Lies:
This won’t work out
Things never work out for me
I don’t even know how to sing
I’ll never be good enough
What’s the point?
Any of this sound familiar? Today I finally felt the freedom and joy to go to Staples and purchase a new binder and fill it with new music.
The best part is is that I spent hours on research and it actually paid off! I worked on the new songs and I am OBSESSED with them. I’ve never fallen so deeply in love with musical theatre as I have today. It was like being away from the one you love for months and then spending a day with them. It felt amazing.
What have you been putting off today? What is it that’s holding you back? Are they lies? How can you rise above the cloud of lies and into the truth? What are some small steps you can take to get there today?
