Update from New York

Update

      I would like to give people periodic updates on what is happening with me as I feel I am cut off from the entirety of my community to this point.  As I will share in the next post, the trip here was marked by the power of the Holy Spirit and I was so excited to be a part of that.  I told some of you personally but the Lord encountered me in a radical way and led me to New York.  As I look back on some of the things he promised me, I realize he had a reason for telling me all those things: he knew the intense warfare I would face in this city.

      One of the cool things that have happened to me since I moved to New York is connecting with a small theatre company in Brooklyn called Irondale.  Before I left for New York I did a bit of research on companies that devise (the type of theatre I want to do).  Irondale came up in my research as a company that does this.  When I got to New York, I met with my dear friend Sam who (I had no idea) is actually interning with them!  He hooked me up with an awesome improv class they teach and I’ve been enjoying it so much.

      I sort of a had really huge revelation from the Lord when I got there of where I was called to be.  It happened when I attended Trinity Grace in Brooklyn.  After that I just knew I was supposed to be in Brooklyn.  In New York, everyone is proud of their boroughs and each borough has it’s own reputation.  Brooklyn, particularly where I’m living, is known for white kids with trust funds.  They are the cool, artsy, hipsters…I was not particularly excited about this revelation at first, to say the list.  It was actually sort of more like an argument.  That’s why I know it’s the Lord.  I don’t fit into this culture at all.  However, my inner artist is beginning to come alive and I’m excited to see what happens with that!

      Over this season I clearly had a LOT of specific prayer requests and one by one God is answering each one of them!

·      Number #1 on my list was getting a job.  I procured a job at Panera, which is such a blessing.

·      Number #2 was finding a place to live.  I now have a room in a beautiful apartment in Brooklyn, 15 minutes outside of Manhattan.

·      Number #3 was finding a community.  I feel like this is in the midst of being answered.  I made a lot of dear friends in the Bronx where I was staying but I will be leaving there (not to say that they will be any less dear to me).  Ebony, my former roommate in Missouri and dear friend, came to join me.  I have a lot of support from random people, including my newfound theatre community at Irondale.  I just recently started attending Justice House of Prayer.  Also, come January, I will have two wonderful apartment mates!

God’s timing

      One of the most difficult things I had to grapple with is God’s timing. I was fasting and praying for breakthrough in finding a home on October 5 and happened to be reading Luke 5.  Is it any wonder that verse 5 was particularly relevant to me?  God likes to do that to me with numbers.  In the story Jesus tells Simon to put out into the deep and let down his nets.  Simon says, “‘Master, we toiled all night and took nothing!  But at your word I will let down the nets.’  And when they had done this, they enclosed a large number of fish and their nets were breaking.” 

      I had written next to this in my Bible “God works contrary to logic.”  I could say the same exact thing about apartment hunting! –Lord I’ve been diligently looking since I’ve got here and found nothing.  But you tell me when and where to look and I know I must be obedient because I will get the abundance.

      Immediately afterwards the Lord spoke to Ebony and I to “stop.”  Then the hurricane literally brought all our striving to a halt.

      I was pretty frustrated with the Lord for a lot of things that happened after that that I believed did not need to happen but he reminded me recently again that he is the perfect father.  He does not step in a moment to soon or a moment too late.  He cares more about our hearts than our flesh getting what we want.  He understands our immediate pain but he sees eternity and knows what is better for us.  This was a huge revelation for me.  No wonder it says in his word that his ways are higher than ours!  We will never get it.

      I have felt the most barren since I arrived in New York.  I had to realize that all my strength and striving meant nothing.  God had to orchestrate events.  I had to actually purposefully refuse the lies of the enemy everyday, something I’m not too used to doing.  I learned that I can do nothing in my own power. God shows he is most faithful when we are most unable.

I still have a lot of prayer requests:

·      I need to find work so I can afford to live long-term in Brooklyn.  Panera’s not cutting it.  It’s really expensive to live here and I know the Lord wants me to not only survive, but also thrive.

·      I need prayer for continued favor in the arts world.  That I would meet the people I need to meet to move me forward.

·      Finally, and most importantly, there’s a really oppressive dark spirit in New York City that I have been contending with.  He deals in hopelessness and feeling of insignificance.  Pray that his power is broken and the light of truth shines through.

In conclusion, in this Christmas season, let us remember his faithfulness. 

“I am the Lord; I have called you in righteousness;

I will take you by the hand and keep you;

I will give you a covenant for the people, a light for the nations,

To open eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness” (Isa 42:6-7).

Re-discovering the Word of God

Please be forewarned, the reason I am not a pastor or a teacher is my communication skills when it comes to my beliefs about the Bible.  If I am talking one-on-one with you this would probably be less crazy, radical sounding.  However, in online media I feel that I can “tout” my opinions more forcefully.  That said, if you disagree or think I misrepresented something, I will be the first to admit that I am not infallible and I will humbly retract, or re-express my thoughts in a more helpful way.  I hope, even after that long disclaimer, that this post is still helpful or at least thought provoking (as I hope all my posts are.  Why I would I post them if they weren’t?  I have journals aplenty).

I visited the Junior High room today at my home church to catch up with my small group girls.  While I was there, Tim Rowe gave an excellent sermon on the Word of God.  My wheels were spinning afterwards (props, Tim!).  Afterwards, a leader got up and gave us a “quiz” someone (Dave?) made.  I think the question was something like “What is the word of God?” I don’t really remember.  One of the answers was “The number 1 way God speaks.”  He commented that this may not necessarily be true as there are LOTS of ways God speaks.  He said, “But it is definitely one of the ways God speaks.”

Valid.  I think I get why he said that.  We don’t want to discount everyone’s experience.  However the statement was meant, the reason I bring it up is because I disagree.  This is not the only reason I bring it up either.  The reactions of my small group to the thought of picking up their Bibles and reading them and even other people I have talked to recently about this have made me truly sad.  The Church and the people of God seem to be trading truth for what feels good.  I will be the first to admit I don’t read my Bible enough.  Does that mean it’s not God’s number one way of speaking to us?  I don’t think so.

First of all, practically, even if you don’t agree, why do you think God would choose, above all other modes of communication to speak to us primarily through the Bible?

I want you to ponder that, as I have done, because I think there are a lot of good answers completely backed up in the Scriptures that I will get to in a minute.  I think the biggest reason is the infallibility of it.  It is the time tested, archeologically tested, completely true word of God.  Nothing in it is man’s invention.

Some more Biblical reasons:

The Word of God never fails.  Our words will pass but his won’t.  “All your commandments are sure…Forever, O Lord, your word is firmly fixed in the heavens ” (Ps. 119:86, 89).  I know I don’t want second-hand stuff that passes away!

I don’t think it’s an accident Paul wrote this passage right before he died.  I originally looked up this Scripture to prove that God spoke the words and wants us to use them for instruction.  Beloved, it’s so much deeper than that.  He warns of something that I just spoke of occurring—the dangerous trade-off!!!:

“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.  I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths” (II Tim 3:14-4:4).  3 times he speaks of the Word in specific ways. 

1. It is able to make you wise for salvation. 

2. It is God breathed and profitable for teaching and reproof. 

3. It is necessary for the times ahead when the truth will be traded for myths!!!!

Along those same lines, the Word is perfect so nothing in it taints us.  We are ready vessels to be filled by good things! David says, “How can a young man keep his way pure?  By guarding it according to your word” (Psalm 119:9).  As he reads the word, God gives him purity.  The more pure he becomes, the more understanding he gets.

If you read all of Psalm 119, David goes on to say that God’s Word (his commandments, his precepts—clearly the Bible) fills him with hope, makes him not be put to shame, and begets more desire for the Word (Ps. 119:9-16, Psalm 1119).  The more we read the word the more we want it!  Mike Bickle says, “It’s the opposite of normal hunger.  The more you feed on the word, the hungrier you get.”

God LOVES his word!  Jesus himself did not just stand up and declare he is the Messiah.  He read the word (Luke 4:16-21).  He constantly used prophecies from the Old Testament to prove that he is the Messiah.  When he claimed to be the Son of Man, for example, he was quoting a Messianic Scripture from Daniel (Daniel 7:13-14; Luke 22:69).

One of my favorite teachers at IHOP likes to say, “Yeah, I know you know that verse, but does that verse know you?”  He was after one thing: intimacy with God’s words.  If we’re after intimacy with him, we should be about knowing his word in the depths of our being.  This is why it says, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish and it will done for you” (John 15:7).

I wanted to give you a few Scriptures that support what I was saying before I launch into my personal experience.  I am ALL about God speaking to us through crazy other methods of communication.  I’ve hung out with a lot of prophetic people.  You name a weird prophetic thing; I’ve seen it or probably experienced it myself!  I wanted to share what I have noticed about the Bible in relation to prophecy.

A couple years ago, while I was at APU, Shelley Hundley from IHOP (sorry, a lot of acronyms) visited Pasadena International House of Prayer and spoke on prophecy.  If there is anyone who I would call a prophet, it would be her.  She said in her sermon that she learned to ask the Lord for Bible verses.  This really struck me because of the things I mentioned above: our language can sometimes taint the truths God is trying to express.  Though we may have good intentions, the words are not what God intended!

Later, while I was attending IHOPU, Shelley taught us and said multiple times that the Bible is God’s “native tongue.”  This really stuck with because, like Shelley, I’m really into languages.  I can understand being able to speak other languages but really preferring to speak one language.  That is my easy definition of “native tongue”: the language one prefers to speak.

           

But, for those who are not into languages, I will put it another way. God is one God.  He does not contradict himself.  Every truth of Scripture is chronicled in who he is.  The more we study his word the more we discover these things.  Our experiences (the words he gives us) start to make sense in light of the truths that we study.  The prophecies start to blend and intermingle with the words we read on the page as we realize the same God spoke both of them!  Even if God speaks to us in a unique way, his words in our lives will look more like the Scriptures the more we let the Scriptures inform our conversations with Him.

Shelley used to also say, “If God is primarily speaking to you through movies, you’re in trouble.”  I do not share this to condemn but only to open your eyes a little.  What she meant was that God desires to speak to us.  If we’re watching movies instead of reading the Bible he will sometimes use those.  Yet he longs for us to come close.  To enter a reality close to his heart that, frankly, no movie has ever touched (because who makes those movies?  Are they studying the Word of God?).

Again, Shelley shared her own experience where she would get all these crazy words but did not understand.  She took them to her mentors Mike Bickle and Allen Hood who promptly told her they were straight out of the Bible and directed her to the word.  Suddenly she realized God wanted her to be reading the word so they could have a conversation on the same page.  And he had a lot more to say to her! 

           

The Bible says, “Test all prophecies.”  How do we do that? With the word of God!  Shelley understood the words God spoke when she studied his native tongue.  Vice-versa, she knew she was way off track when the words were the opposite of the Scriptures.

A personal note: I have noticed that God truly does love his word.  God actually speaks more to me if you allow him to use the Scriptures!  Just the act of opening my Bible and reading one sentence sometimes invites the Spirit to come.

As I wrap up this long post I’d like to be so daring as to say there are still secrets of the Bible that have not been cracked.  Will you be the one to figure them out?  Now, I’m not trying to be weird but at the same time, there are entire books of prophecy that have not been fulfilled!  Doesn’t that excite anyone?  Doesn’t that make anyone think God’s REALLY speaking primarily to us through the Word?  Well, if you are not convinced yet I would really love to talk to you.  Seriously.  Right now.  Let’s talk.  Facebook me.  E-mail me.  Call me.  Let’s talk.  I’m stirred.

Re-imagining the lost art of Intercession

This is absolutely fascinating.  I am re-reading a book called Descent Into Hell, which I read in a class in High School called Inklings.  The book is by Charles Williams, a member of the writing group with C.S. Lewis and J.R.R Tolkien.  I have described Descent Into Hell a bit in the last post but I would like to elaborate on some findings in one particular chapter.  Williams actually talks about intercession!

Here I have quoted an exact passage in which the Christ-figure, Stanhope, speaks with Pauline, who is struggling with fear:

“Haven’t you heard it said that we ought to bear one another’s burdens?”

“But that means—“ she began, and stopped.

“I know,” Stanhope said.  It means listening sympathetically, and thinking unselfishly, and being anxious about, and so on.  Well, I don’t say a word against all that; no doubt it helps.  But I think when Christ or St. Paul, or whoever said bear, or whatever he Aramaically said instead of bear, he meant something much more like carrying a parcel instead of something else.  To bear a burden is precisely to carry it instead of.  If you’re still carrying yours, I’m not carrying it for you—however sympathetic I may be” (98).

Pause for a second and take that in.  Bearing one another’s burdens is something that can actually be done in a tangible form!  This, I believe, is part of the definition of intercession.  Even though, even after spending a year at International House of Prayer University, I do not think that or anything I have ever experienced can come close to truly defining it.  Christ is our true example, as I will get into in a minute.  But actually physically bearing someone else’s pain?!  Reese Howells, I believe, came close when he did everything the person he was interceding for did, including laying on the cold, hard ground.  Can we even imagine?

Williams goes on…

Stanhope insists this is actually a law of the universe!  He declares, “But I’m sure this is a law of the universe, and not to give up your parcel is as much rebel as not to carry another’s” (99).

It clicked for me.  We always have good feelings when we help someone.  If anything, it gets our minds off of our own problems for a little while.  Instead of analyzing this as many people do and finally giving up on doing good (at least, intellectually for a while) because we see no good motive in us, let us think for a moment.  Why do we feel good when we do good?  Because this was what we were created for!  It is actually a law of the universe “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  I think there is much more to this that I still need to ponder for a while.

Furthermore, Christ is our great intercessor.  Hebrews 2:17-18 says, “Therefore he had to be made like his brother in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people.  For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.”

The writer of Hebrews goes on to say “he always lives to make intercession for them” (7:25).  It is a once and for all intercession that was made.  He is also eternally the lamb who was slain, as Revelation describes, eternally interceding for us (Rev. 5:6, 7:10, 7:17).  We can gaze upon the cross not as a past incident alone, but an ever present reality.

I love the depth of understanding Williams gives me about these passages of Scripture!  He even, in his own way, describes our part when Christ intercedes for us.  He does this by having Stanhope tell Pauline what to do:

“When you are alone” he said, “remember that I am afraid instead of you, and that I have taken over every kind of worry.  Think merely that; say to yourself—‘he is being worried,’ and go on.  Remember it is mine.  If you do not see it, well; if you do, you will not be afraid” (99).

This is such a clear way of looking at grace!  It is always there.  But we have to apply it.  This is why we take communion.  We must remind ourselves that Jesus has born and is bearing our burdens!  For those of you who are not Christians, this is why we sing those songs about Christ’s death and resurrection.  It isn’t because we’re trying to convince ourselves it’s true.  It is true whether we believe it or not.  We just have to remind ourselves again.

Williams goes on to describe in detail what his intercession or substituted love or bearing her burden was actually like.  He actually imagined the situation of which she was afraid and took on the fear.  It says, “The burden was inevitably lighter for him than for her, for the rage of personal resentment was lacking.  He endured her sensitiveness, but not her sin; the substitution there, if indeed there is a substitution, is hidden in the central mystery of Christendom which Christendom itself has never understood, nor can” (101).

This truth of which Williams speaks is validated in Scripture.  “He who knew no sin became sin for us” (2 Corinthians 5:21).  He remained sinless but he bore our sin.  I believe that is the paradox of which Charles Williams seeks to describe.

Christ is our true intercessor but we should strive to be like him in bearing each other’s burdens.  As Williams illustrated, Paul’s command in Galatians 6 to “bear one another’s burdens” can be taken quite literally.  We can even ask the Lord for someone else’s burden, to bear their pain so that they don’t have to suffer it.  Christ is the true Intercessor in that through his body he bore every pain, burden, and suffering and will eternally be the Lamb who was slain. 

Practically, what can we take away from this?  We can acknowledge, as Pauline did, that our burden has already been taken from us.  As intercessors, we can go to a deeper place of intercession and imagine the difficulty of the people we are praying for and, in that sense, ask the Lord to help us carry it for them.  Charles Williams illustrated well some important Biblical truths and opened my own heart up to the possibilities we can reach if we only re-imagined intercession.

Re-discovering and Re-imagining the Lost Art of Theatre

A note from the writer: I am starting a new “series” of blog posts I suppose called “Re-discovering and re-imaging the lost arts.”  Because of this, I may be writing 2 to 3 blogs a week.  I hope this is a consistent venture in my attempts to become a better a writer and communicator.  As such, I would appreciate any feedback (be it good or bad).

           

RE-DISCOVERING AND RE-IMAGINING THE LOST ART OF THEATRE

            What are lost arts in this world that we live in?  Letter writing.  Conversation.  Eye contact.  And, I believe, Theatre.

            When I went to the Sojourn Institute I had a conversation with a girl where I truthfully said, “I never saw Into the Wild.”  I really do not go to the movies that much.  If it’s a play though, my interest is peaked.  Her reaction was a first to me.  She also had never seen it.  I felt through the conversation that she gave me permission to think that seeing movies is not the height of cultural experience.

            Truth be told, how many of us have been passionate about something that is not a cultural norm and decided not to pursue it to its fullest because we thought we were ‘weird’?  Or how many of us have labeled ourselves weird because we like that thing?  (Or maybe we like it but we have not exactly figured out what our “niche” in it actually is and don’t want to pursue it further because we think we suck at it and we’re afraid to try.  Ok, just me? ;)

            As I pondered this phenomenon I was struck by my desire to help others to understand my passion for theatre better.  At Sojourn we played a game called “I am from…”  It helps me to categorize what I think theatre should be.

            “I am from…” theatre that involves the audience, Shakespeare, devised works, works created by both a theatre company and a non-arts community, going to see a show on a Friday night instead of a movie, movies made out of plays, shelling out money for a play is ok, shelling out money for a movie is like pulling teeth, in-the moment moments, musicals that don’t end upbeat, Jason Robert Brown, realism, the a-typical musical, acting that is pretending, crying when the lights are low.

            What I have encountered from my peers and popular culture on the subject of theatre: “I am from…” theatre is something I can appreciate but am generally dragged to, theatre is box-office musicals like Annie and Wicked, theatre only happens in the Theater, theatre is text driven therefore it is boring, I don’t understand Shakespeare, theatre is not marketable, theatre is Disney, theatre is pretending, anyone can act, theatre is crying on cue, dance monkey dance!

            Because theatre (at least my theatre) has been lost in popular culture, I have decided learn to translate what I mean by theatre to the world, trying to close the great chasm between these two “I am froms…” Knowing how different I conceive theatre from other people, how can I not only co-exist but thrive by teaching those who are interested in the lost art of theatre?

            To start with, we need to learn how to re-discover theatre in everyday life.  The reason I say “re-discover” is that like finding an ancient artifact, the classics and the basic framework of the theatre we know today has it’s place and needs to be recognized in the broader cultural sphere.  [For instance, don’t get me started on Shakespeare and how simple it was meant to be (kind of like reading your Bible).]  I can list a few successful examples of this: the TV show Glee (I believe), some pretty awesome High School teachers all across the country instilling love for theatre in the youth, and my Shakespeare professor in college.

            Another thing to continue with, especially as an artist, is re-imagining theatre.  It’s the basics of problem solving: when something doesn’t work one way anymore, try another way!  Even theatre itself needs to continue to re-exert her imagination to discover possibilities.  One of those possibilities is how she can be recognized in a wider cultural sphere.  Here’s a couple successful examples (some are not simply theatre but they are still good examples): Sojourn’s Built, Prison Performing Arts shows, Waste Land (documentary about Brazilian turned New Yorker going home and doing art with Brazilians).

            I think one major obstacle to overcome is pride.  If the artist is willing to let go of his ego for the betterment of others, he can go far.  It’s when he sits in his ivory tower of “theatre” and refuses to translate that these chasms of cultural divides deepen.  For instance, I recently watched a documentary called Waste Land about an artist leaving the states for 3 years and living in Brazil to work on an art project in the largest land fill in the world.  He is a Brazilian artist who grew up in Sao Paulo but made his fame and fortune at art in New York.  The movie is brilliant and I highly recommend it.  Yet I feel even in the movie that he put himself on display for the world to see and say, “Yes, this is a good man.”

            The point is that even when we try to “help” the world experience art, we sort of are putting ourselves on this pedestal as artists saying, “we know art.  You don’t.  Therefore we are going to help you.” 

            The solution to pride is humility.  Humility is coming under someone and saying, “I know this.  What do you know?  Oh, I didn’t know you know what I know.  Let’s move forward.”  You may discover that you have nothing to offer in the world’s terms of assets!  You may discover, after all, that the person admits you do have something he doesn’t that you need.  But don’t start but telling him what he needs and what you have.  Start by asking.  Start by listening.

            What do I personally get out of all of this?  Please allow some introspection for a moment.  I am somehow caught between two opposite poles: I’m neither the witty intellectual who knows he’s smart nor the person who doesn’t have a clue.  I’m not satisfied with mere “normal” conversation and stupid jokes don’t make me laugh.  Yet I can’t return wit most of the time.  I only recognize when it’s there.  Sarcasm is not my strong point.  I’m too genuine.  However, I long to be amongst people who think deeply.  Not philosophers for the heck of it.  Not hypothesizing new ways of existing or adding to the Scriptures.  But hypothesizing how we could view the truth in our everyday life. 

            Charles Williams, for instance, in his book Descent Into Hell, imagines a world where death is the catalyst of everything.  Though not too far off from our own world, it is much more of an introspective world.  There are those who know they are going to Heaven and there are those who don’t know they are going to Hell.  The way one character thinks is a metaphor for life itself!  Names are symbols.  Nothing is ordinary.

            I’m after a theatre world like that!  One with complexity but meaning, obscurity but truth—theatre of the absurd with a point to existence—new forms that allow old forms to not only exist but thrive—new understanding of our roles within theatre—new understanding of the culture of theatre that allows for a broader audience—a more generous theatre—a theatre that is defined by those who care about not just the $30 ticketholder but also the “groundling.”  In these things we can both learn from the past and press forward to brand new reality in the lost of art of theatre.

“Match curiosity and enthusiasm with thoughtfulness and courage and you’re unstoppable”

{This quote from Michael Rohd has epic implications and has personally inspired me.  For one, if we are not curious enough about the other than we’ll only know ourselves.  In addition, we have to be thoughtful or careful in how we approach the other (just as we must learn culture norms when we go to another country).  Yet we must be passionate about breaking down barriers and set goals for ourselves as we venture into the unknown.}

This blog is a mish-mash of ideas that have been bouncing around my head since the Sojourn Institute in Chicago.  I’ll start with the basics so that we’re all on the same page:

Working Definitions

Devising = a way of putting together exercises (dramatic or otherwise) in order generate material

Devising can be both civic practice and process to production, or process to production within civic practice.

Process to production = putting on a show

We talked a lot about civic practice.   {Civic Practice is defined as a process of relationship-based dialogue to listen and find a way for assets to meet the needs.}

We also talked about how we have assets as artists to bring to the table (the business meeting or conversation with non-arts partners).  Assets of the artist = text analysis, receiving information, making choices about that information, getting everyone on the same page, making moments that are useful, Setting the expectations of the room, understanding when the body can be used to push the mind and vice versa, willingness to suspend disbelief.

            Here’s an example of a group of devising exercises that were used as a topical dialogue: We started by three or five chairs and, at the same time, filled the chairs (or used them) to present individual artistic offerings based on the word “listening.”  We moved forward by setting up 3 rows of 7 chairs.  We all participated.  In a couple different variations of the same exercises, we walked in individually and began to interact with the others in the chairs around this theme again.  It was almost like a scene.  We then were allowed to take a movement someone else created and walk in with a partner and re-create that piece.  My partner and I chose the simple act of giving someone a back massage.  Then we told stories about successful listening to our partners.  Eventually we all sat in a circle and finished the “I know listening…” about some of the things we learned through the interactive pieces.

            Another thing we did was to explore the challenges of conversations within civic practice.  We were able to explore arts partnerships by acting them out.  To do this we had to suspend reality for a moment research arts partners and have one actor from our group play that partner.  We further explored relationships and struggles of this person by doing a group improvisation based on the information he/she gave us in a 60 second monologue.

Light bulb moments: What I learned

            These things expanded my idea of what was possible!  You don’t just have to do a play. When one is commissioned by a non-arts organization, the end result does not always have to be a play.  While putting on “Our Town” may be great, my soul yearns to actually fill a need. It can simply be an idea.  It could be a game, like the game board Michael’s colleague put together for the show Built!  

            Not only that but that I (little pea-sized brain I) have the ability to imagine those things.  Like I said earlier, I learned that I do have assets I can bring to the table! 

            For my whole life I thought things I cared about had to be chosen between or even pitted against like two competing boxers in a ring.  Yet, for example, I learned story and the abstract can work cohesively together.  It all depends upon what you are trying to achieve.  There are many more things I care about that suddenly came together for me in one collective collage of ideas.

            I was challenged.  I was forced to ask myself: can I actually function in an ensemble or will I just be that girl who goes along with everyone else’s ideas?  It was difficult and also exciting to recognize I need to jump in more and not be afraid of failing.  Michael said it thus: “make and sell your own material so it won’t just supplement others work but create your work within an ensemble.”  Basically, you are responsible for moving the things that are the most important to your forward.

            Passion was re-awakened in me.  Why am I drawn to this work?  I had a lot of those “oh, yeah” moments.  Like while I was doing a scene with a girl working through problems of listening related specifically to our field and one question Michael asked changed my whole perspective on the person I was playing and suddenly I realized I was stereotyping her. 

            Devising is a movement about movement and movement makes me tick.  There was a point where we were devising and Michael said, “Lets not talk so much about it but just see where our bodies take us.”  My heart leapt inside me.  It’s a dream come true!  Working with non-artists (mostly school teachers) I felt compelled even once also to simply say, when they asked me what I wanted to do, “I don’t know.  Let’s just try it and see what I naturally do.” 

            I had this epiphany moment that the reason why I respond to this kind of work is that movement is about intuition.  It gets me out of my head.  Suddenly I can be!  This is my “method” to acting.  I want to explore it’s potential.

            It’s about asking questions and listening.  Michael’s approach to what he does is a very humble one.  He has mastered the art of asking questions and actually listening.  He spent a lot of time teaching that.

            It’s about translation.  Because the nature of this work is constantly changing--we are constantly growing and learning by listening to other collaborators—we need to learn how to define what we do.  Not only that but, we need to learn how to translate to people who are non-artists what an art project looks like.  I love translation.  That’s what I love Spanish.  Helping someone understand something better is so cool.

            All of this has got me thinking about individuality and where we as individuals fit into collective communities.  How do we contribute to that community and let that community contribute to us?  There is so much I can say on this so I will just leave it with that.

            I think Michael’s quote from an article he wrote perfectly sums up why I love the process of collaborating with others in the structure of an ensemble.  I don’t think I’m the only voice.  “So why do it? Because though there is power in the expression of singular voices and visions, I find the world far too complex to wrestle with and articulate the matters I want to explore without the collision of other brains, hearts, and experiences. Investigations I undertake alone yield discoveries far less satisfying than what my explorations with others reveal” (The Pew Center for Arts and Heritage).

Re-imagining

Before I came to this workshop I thought I had a pretty good handle on Michael’s methods.  I knew there were a couple things I did not quite understand but I wanted to know more.  I came to discover that everything I had previously imagined that this work could be was so small.

In my mind, everything was process to production.  Even future projects dreamt in my mind that I labeled the goal as being dialogue, the goal was to put on a show.  I imagined that as a facilitator the discussion and where it went was in my hand.  I cringed at the thought of dissimilar minded people working in the same ensemble as me because I imagined this kind of work, though dialogue was involved, was primarily for social advocacy and leaned towards a particular agenda.

When I came to this workshop, however, I was struck by how pure one’s motives can actually be.  I was amazed that when we ask arts partners what they need, that the automatic response is not a play.  I was stupefied by the fact that I could imagine much more than a play to meet that need.  I was blown away when our group, as completely unalike as we were, came under the same roof and created something beautiful, powerful, and moving together in a kaleidoscope of ideas conjoining on truth that comes through relationship.

The Raising up of Women “for such a time as this” Part II

Why did God make Zechariah mute?

            Zechariah and Elizabeth were from priestly families, Zechariah from the division of Abijah and Elizabeth from Aaron (Luke 1:5). Thus, they ministered before the Lord.  It says, “And they were both righteous before God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and statues of the Lord” (v. 8).  They were both qualified by righteousness to prophesy of the coming Messiah!  Zechariah was briefly disqualified by unbelief!  In other words, he lost his chance at being the first to prophesy.  He did not lose it altogether because he prophesied when John was born.  Yet what happened in the interim?  How did God orchestrate the story? 

            So, why did God make Zechariah mute?  I believe it was so Elizabeth could open her mouth to declare divine revelation.

            Indeed, as soon as Zechariah’s mouth was closed the Lord began orchestrating a meeting between Mary and Elizabeth.  The Lord chose 2 women to bring about his promises.  2 women get to prophesy first about Jesus!

            First, Elizabeth is filled with the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit had not even come yet.  No one else had yet been filled with the Holy Spirit.  She got to touch the glory of the Lord.  The extraordinary happened to a Jewish woman.

            Second, she prophesied the Lord was in Mary’s womb.  She declared, “why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me?” (Luke 1:43).  She knew and spoke before anyone else that Mary was carrying the Lord Jesus Christ.  Elizabeth prophesied the coming of Christ! “With a loud cry” a woman broke 400 years of silence.

            Fourth, she paid attention to what God did in the natural with her son.  She knew that her son was leaping for joy (v. 44).  She was aware that this was significant and she was not making it up.

            I see from this story that the Lord uses righteous vessels.  I broke into Zechariah and Elizabeth's lives because they ministered before him.  They were near to his heart and their lives showed it.  Yet man alone cannot bear the weight of what the Lord is going to do in this generation.  I need to realize as a woman I am more than qualified and seek holiness.

            From Zachariah's disqualification and Elizabeth's blessing of Mary I learn that our response to the knowledge that God is in our midst should be both humility and belief.  Belief means that our words and actions follow.  We don’t hide what we believe the Lord is saying and doing.  We are explicit about what the Lord is doing in the natural.  We are called to make known what the Lord is doing in our wombs. 

If the Lord used two women to prophesy about his first coming, how much more will he use women to prophesy about his second coming?  Today, the Lord has something for us.  The nations are raging against God (Psalm 2).  The land is crying about because of the bloodguilt of abortion.  I truly believe after 40 years of silence the Lord is raising up a “loud cry” again.  This time it will not just be two women.  It will be women across this nation.  To YOU women: raise your voices!

"For such a time as this" Part I

Marching to a Different Tune

            We are all seeking for something, but for what?  When 52 million babies have been murdered in the US through abortion and 400 million forcefully aborted in China, how can we stand by and watch?  My blood boils just thinking of the atrocities that we allow to happen just because we choose not to be aware.

            But then there are those that choose to stand up in the face of the atrocities of modern day genocide.  On March 17^th 39 brave young women set out an intercessory trail of tears, walking for family members, friends, races, and their own babies that they had aborted.  Every bloody and blistered foot was symbolic of the bridge of blood that Jesus already built. 

            As they marched up to the courthouse steps of the Earl Cabbel Federal Building where Roe vs. Wade began, I watched them chant: “Jesus, I plead your blood over my sins and the sins of my nation.  God, end abortion and send revival to America.”

            We applaud them but do we really receive what they gave?  Personally, they gave me hope that I can stand up for what the Lord has placed in my heart.  When the world rages (as Psalm 2 prophesied it would), I know where my allegiance lies.

            I will no longer be complacent.

            I cannot stand idly by.

            The America dream is not big enough for me.

            The enemy is raging.

            I will not sit around and pretend he is not.

            I want to be on the frontlines of battle.

            God, use me!

Identity, The Esther Call, and the release of Great Power

When we walk in our identity we are unstoppable

On the drive back from Dallas, I had an epiphany moment.  I turned to my friend Aaron and I asked, “If I was completely delivered from the fear of man, nothing would keep me from fulfilling my destiny would, it?”  I think the answer goes without saying.  This is a great way to introduce what I think the major thing the Lord was stressing for me and my team during the Esther Call, which was identity.  If that's what God was doing when he planned to raise up Esthers, he was going to deal with us first.

It all started for me on the drive to Dallas.  I hate to admit it since I am, after all, 22 years old, but...I was really nervous about driving.  So I made sure at least that I was caravaning with one car before we left.  When we headed out, my partner car took off in front of me and before I knew it was no longer in sight.  The Lord used that moment of panic to teach me a very important lesson.  As I turned to him and let him search my heart over this issue silently in the car, he broke through and gave me such a peace as he reminded me that he is my Father and he will never abandon me.  I realized that I did not need to live in fear!  My identity is secure.  God used that as I did end up, through a course of events, driving the rest of the way all by myself (with all girls in my car).

Tornados and Power

The enemy threatened multiple times or the Lord presented multiple opportunites on the trip for us to acknowledge who our God is and who we are in him.  Another one was when two tornados touched down in Dallas.  Although at the time we were a couple miles out in Parker, Texas, we could very well been driven by fear (especially for 39 friends who were walking at that time in the Back to Life Movement).  Instead, all of us were actually quite the opposite praying and praising the Lord, knowing in our very core that he was sovereign over the situation.  

We knew, as Daniel's companions knew, who our God was.  They said, "Our God is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king" (Daniel 3:17).  We stood on the porch making decrees over the weather, dancing, and singing.

Just as the Esther Call signs read: "Release the pain, release the power," we discovered an important biblical truth about identity--it can only be fully realized when we are fully repentant.  Interestingly every moment of repentance was very spur of the moment and clearly released by the Holy Spirit.  The first was before we even got to Dallas.  When we were praying in the side room the week before we left, the Lord revealed to one of the TCIers that she had bloodguilt on her hands.  As soon as she confessed to all of us that she had medicated herself in order to force an abortion when she was younger, she was almost instantly delivered from the spirit of death and set free.  Immediately following this the Holy Spirit manifested in a powerful way in the group so that even late into the night when we were kicked out of the room, people who walked by would fall on their faces weeping.  Confession leads to revival and we got a taste of that!

This happened to me on the trip also!  I was actually about to go to bed one night in the house we were staying at and started talking to these two guys on my team.  I don't really remember what happened but it seemed so abrupt. The Holy Spirit fell on me and instantly I was confronted by an area in my life where I had defiled myself by watching something years ago.  I repented and one by one the people around me started falling out in the spirit, weeping and confessing their sins.  This rose out of a normal conversation!  

I firmly believe also that it was a Holy Spirit inspired direct counter-attack on the enemy, who was desiring to bring disunity by comparison because many of our confessions centered on comparing ourselves to each other.  Unity was literally restored to the group.  Our confession was a powerful testimony to me of the foreshadowing of coming revival.

I truly believe this happened on a massive scale at the Esther Call.  Women got up on the mic and confessed to having abortions.  Tracy Eckart, who leads the Dallas house of prayer, told us how she had had an abortion.  A young woman shared how abortion had led her to contemplate suicide.  A pastor's daughter confessed to taking the morning after pill.  In response, women across the room gathered in small groups, wept, confessed aloud to each other, and prayed for one another.  I hope to hear down the road a testimony from some of these women.  I do know that it is a huge milestone on the road to revival.

A sort of side note...

When the actress who played the birth mother in October Baby shared, Tracy shared something about releasing pain that stuck with me.  She said her son walked up to her and told her that the movie touched him in a deep way.  When she prodded him as to why, he immediately let out this gut-wrenching wail.  He identified with the leading girl in that he lost his sibling to abortion.  For the first time in his life he was actually able to let this pain out!  This was all because someone made a movie that addressed it.  Our identities cannot be released if we do not pray for the arts and entertainment world to be stirred in their spirits about these issues!

Key Confessions and Prayer Points

Each segment of the Call had key focuses to pray for and confess over.  I think a few (not already mentioned) are worth noting here, if anyone is interested in praying into these things long term (as I feel convicted to).  Here they are in no particular order:

1. Feminism--we need to repent from using our sexuality to manipulate and control
2. A release of the Biblical mindset that children are a blessing from the Lord
3. Contraception--read what it actually does and pray about it (Luke 1 says that "immediately" after the spirit hovered over Mary, she went to Elizabeth.  John leapt in the womb at a zygote!)
4. Expose Planned Parenthood--Carol Everett (a former leader in the organization) spoke about their agenda to actually perform more abortions by targetting children at a young age through pornography, and, when they kids do become sexually active, giving them cheap forms of contraception that they know won't work.
5. End the one child policy in China and the atrocious forced abortions that occur there
6. A release of an adoption movement

Small hands

People always ask me, “How do you hear the voice of the Lord?”  My response is always contains the word, “Ask.”  Somehow, just saying that word is too simple in our minds.  That’s it?  That’s all we have to do.  Well if it were that easy wouldn’t I hear his voice all the time?  We say, “Well, I asked and he didn’t speak so he must not speak, well, at least not to me.” No.  That’s a lie.  “Draw near to God and he will draw near to you” (James 4:8). 

Ok, I get that the Scripture says he speaks, but why don’t I (myself, me, my person) hear him?  Well, let’s go deeper then.  Even James had pastoral advice for this.  He said, “You ask you do not receive because you ask with the wrong attitude” (paraphrase of James 4:2).

Brothers and sisters, why is it, do you think that Jesus said, to enter the kingdom of God you must be like a little child?  What is it the children were doing that Jesus said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me and do not hinder them?”  (Matt. 19:14).  What is the opposite of not coming?  COMING!  What is the opposite of hindered?  UNHINDERED?  THAT should be our heart posture to the Lord.

I picture these little kids running up to Jesus.  You know how toddlers are.  They will see something, anything, and run to it without thinking.  I see it all the time at FCF.  Some little child runs over to a stranger and starts touching him or her thinking its perfectly natural.  Well Jesus is the God of the universe who died for us.  How much more do we need to know before running to him?  God did not come so that we would stand far off and gaze at his splendor.  He came so that your hearts would be transformed by touching his splendor.

Then I picture the disciples sort of barring the way.  Maybe James picks up a toddler and places him back in his mother’s arms with a wag of his head.  “He’s not smart enough or gifted enough to speak with the rabbi” he thinks.  “Jesus has more important people to talk with and spend time with.”

But Jesus says, “No!  I don’t!  Let them run UNHINDERED to me.  I’m safe.  I’m here.  I’m not going anywhere.”  It’s when we put intellectual walls up.  Even walls that say we are not good enough to be near the Lord’s presence that we cannot experience it.  We need to tear down that lie.  The veil has been ripped.  Like David, we can dance before the very presence of God (symbolized in the ark), and not be killed.

We are asking for God to speak but we are not ready to engage in the conversation.  When did we lose that childlike sense of touch?  When did Jesus lose his humanity, his touchability?  NEVER.  He will be human forever!  Like Thomas we can touch his nail scarred hands.  Like children we can come to him, touch him, hear him, UNHINDERED!

Even as I write, the Lord is using this as an object lesson.  He told me its late at night and I just have to write as a receive.  Usually I write, re-write, write, and re-write.  But even now I am unable to.  As I am unhindered before him as an instrument—unhindered by my own insecurities of not being a good communicator—he is able to use me.  This principle applies across the board.