Perhaps a little Philosophical Poetry

do you, sea, the see and me?
we. we are
to others simply mystery
to me it is
do you see the sea in me?
I. am
to others naught
to me ought
do you see the sea and me?
we. we are


The sea
is calling me
She asks me to come
to hear her story
Amidst the peace
of piles of sand
she takes my hand
and we run there
we play there
There.
There there is a high
a crested bow
stretches my heart out
then we sink
deep into the blackness
thick with seawed
choking me
I swim further out
She cradles me
I float
a bubble in time
to a new horizon


The wave sweeps me
off my feet
leaves me stranded
without life jacket
beaten to sandbar
rocketed to a shore
i come up spluttering
for air
sweet air
refuse to be dragged
back to the fury
I pick up seashells
line my path out of
the pool of graves
No lifeguard on duty
To witness
my emergence
from the emergent
Sea
So I scoop myself up
Look around me
no one in sight
Yet the waves
sound distant to me now
as I embark
to a new horizon

Feminism and Personal Triggers

Whenever people casually bring up the word “feminism” in Christian conservative circles I have been a part of I still often hear people react to the word negatively.  This concerned and aggravated me for a while.  However, I really believe it is both a matter of misinformation (which I will not address here) and a misunderstanding of representations of feminism through popular culture based on personal feelings.

When we talk about ideals and values I think it’s important to come from a healed and whole perspective.  Instead of, “I don’t personally like how this is.”  It should be, “This doesn’t line up with the kingdom of God.”  Of course, we only see the world through our lens so sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference.  Also, the more we become like Christ it actually should be harder to tell the difference in some respects.

To explain this better, let me say that I grew up in a home where I reacted to ways I felt like my mother was not treated as an equal. It angered me immensely and I saw it as my duty to correct the wrong that was done. I may not have acted in a very honoring way because it bothered me so much. It bothered me so much that, to this day, I am still overwhelmed by men who cook and clean and do it gladly. 

That was a bitter root.  I was personally judging my father against my ideals and he fell short of what I thought a man should be.  As a result, any time a guy ever acted similarly to that I would be triggered and react to what I regarded as (I didn’t realize at the time the terminology) anti-feminism or patriarchy.

I remember post college my best friend and I and another guy we graduated with were running a theatre camp in the community of Azusa.  Basically each of us were in charge of an age group and we were devising a culminating “show” together of original theatre because Marc (the guy) and I had discovered this incredible devising process in our Theatre Education class.  The show was going to be based on Peter Pan.

As we sat talking about how we wanted the storyline to loosely go I remember very adamantly saying, “Why does it have to be the typical story of the guy saving the girl?  Why can’t it be the other way around?”  I must have thought I was being subversive in my story-telling but clearly there was some baggage there because even my best friend commented, “Woah, Jennie.” Something had triggered me and I was being reactionary.

So, now I’m circling back to my conversations with conservative Christians who see feminism as negative because women are so angry at men.  Angry feminism I believe happens when women are so fed up with the ways they are defined by culture that they make it their life’s mission to debunk that. They are triggered and are compelled to do something.

The problem with this is that culture should never be what defines us in the first place.  Culture changes.  Yes we should be actively trying to change culture as Christians but we shouldn’t be angry when it doesn’t bend to our will.  Trends come and go but our identity should be firmly rooted in Christ and what he says about us.

The truth is that Jesus doesn’t expect us to cook, clean, and fulfill our husband’s every desire.  Jesus doesn’t expect us to rear children perfectly and somehow all the bills magically get paid.  Neither does he expect us to be high powered and get everything done.

He calls us and qualifies us according to completely different standards. When we see ourselves that way I believe we will no longer be angry. Then we can call culture out from a place of understanding.  Feminism is about empowerment.  Jesus is also about empowerment.  Look it up.  The angry people are simply a reflection of identifying with something that was never our identity to begin with.

Why am I telling you all of this?  Because a friend of mine posted something on Facebook with the hashtag #wifegoals and it triggered me.  I’m not perfect either!

I leave you with my favorite feminist song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyYsW2_Ar2Y 

Conversation Rather than Shaming

I was thinking about how I get hit on a lot in Ubers and how that makes me uncomfortable.

My question was a) does anyone else experience this? b) why don’t the guys see this as a problem?

Then I thought about one of my favorite This American Life episodes where a woman decides to interview catcallers. She had done her research and found that  the majority of women get really uncomfortable by catcalling.  She chose to engage these men intellectually in conversation about this.

She asked them why they did it and what they wanted out of that interaction and their answers were quite interesting. Then she explained her point of view and the majority of women’s point of views. Some of these men realized they were actually getting the opposite of what they had intended. Some of them even told her they would never cat call again!

As I’m thinking about my Uber driver experience framed in the light of all of these harassment cases I’m realizing the saddest thing is that sometimes men just don’t know how their actions effect others.

Some people grew up in such broken homes they don’t know what appropriateness means. They have to have it explained to them in a way that they will understand. It’s like sending men back to pre-school but it’s necessary.

I see gender bashing happening more often than before. But the problem is not gender. The problem is not bad people. The problem is wrong mindsets.

As a society we support rehabilitation for criminals and then turn around and villanize sex offenders. I don’t think we realize how hypocritical that is. We extend grace but only to a certain extent. We choose to disengage in conversation with people who we believe will never understand.

I certainly support making examples of people. I’ve seen it done well in a really out of control preschool class. That should not be the norm though. We should not be shaming people every minute to make up for the crimes they committed.

What would change in our culture if we stopped pointing fingers and started understanding even the hardest criminal? What would happen if we stopped shaming perpetrators but instead chose to engage in conversation with them about truth?

I feel like we are in a good place as a society as we are publicly discussing morals. What is absolute truth and how can we bring people into an understanding of right ethical behavior? I think we need to start with compassionate conversation.