An Ode to Stories Past, Present, and Future

Starting and stopping

Starting and stopping

There’s poetry

But no resolution

Every time I ride a plane

I pick up my old stories and read them again

The tale is always the same

I can track it by the “date modified” title

2011: So many stories

Unfinished, unsung

2013: Plays and screenplays

2014: Poetry began

They rose as a signal

Of life in the darkness

I create therefore I am.

So many stories

Of which I used to scoff

They are so beautiful to me now

Now that I do not judge them

Now that I see my life in a different light

I see the years of growing

I was not born grown as I supposed

I wrestled with demons far greater than me

I wrote mostly of things experienced

About sisters bonds

Of love, unrequited

Of dreams un-ignited

I wrote about seasons

Then there was fantasy

Things I wished I could have said

Melodrama that played in my head

The characters changed the older I grew

When I was young I wrote in the first person as a boy

Then, as I grew, I wrote strong, dramatic women

At first in third person, as though uncomfortable in that skin

Slowly, autobiography took the place of melodramatic fantasy

I wrote about lovers in Ireland

I wrote about roommates in Queens

I wrote about summers in limbo it seems

It is lovely to see the sudden impulse of writing

That moment when you recognize something about yourself or about the world

That moment when it is so beautiful words must be spoken about it

The words themselves forming a sort of musical symphony whose tone reflects the art it recognizes

These were beautiful attempts

A pressing on the accelerator

But not the journey itself

For journeys are fraught with patient endurance

Instead of wrestling over characters, plots, and the right metaphor,

My writing was unfinished, un-edited, and never revisited

Forever doomed to gather dust on a shelf of misfired ideas

There were a few that I kept going back to

The tetherball image

(For images are my muses)

Wisdom and folly

Fathers and sons

If I could combine them all

I’d have one amazing story

But my writing styles change so much

The inspiration waxes and wanes

It’s like I am five different writers, depending on the day

Multiple personality disorder at it’s finest

They don’t tell you that the fragmented emotions

Create unfinished stories

All the while

I do not believe that I am

In fact, a writer.

Today though,

I desire to start

And stop when the story is done.

Passionate Efficiency and And the dreaded conversation about listening

I've heard so many seminars, classes, sermons, and normal everyday rants as well as philosophical discussions on the topic of listening that I am frankly tired of listening to.

The topic intrigues me and frustrates me.  Why?  Because usually the mantra connected to these talks includes phrases like "hear everything" and "don't just hear what you want to hear" or even "be opened minded." Lets be real though.  Healthy listening means that we hear what the speaker meant to convey.  Sometimes people convey exactly the opposite of what they mean because, let's be honest, we aren't the best communicators either.

Sometimes sorting information correctly we are supposed to disregard information.  As I mentioned earlier, for instance, someone is trying to tell a story and the punch line is really the point.  They overpower you with details and your brain can only hold so many.  Your job is find the nugget of truth the speaker is definitely trying to convey.  Your brain encourages the speaker by sorting out the reffuse.

Choosing what we want to hear is termed selective hearing.  This is usually used negatively.  However, I think selective hearing is good!  It's our brain's sorting system.  We can't physically hear everything so we sort information into appropriate categories.  The times when we miss something important I believe is a glitch in our sorting system where we file something incorrectly.  It is though, in the long run, more efficient to listen for where someone is going and not necessarily pay attention to how they're getting there.

In my acting class I am learning that we listen through our own individual perspective.  If we listen through negativity we will see what the speaker says as negative.  If we listen through our ego, we will try to relate everything that is said to ourselves.  We are all listening through something whether we know it or not.

Here's an example of a healthy listening perspective.  Imagine you've been married for years.  Your spouse says something that you could take negatively but instead you don't.  Your friends are surprised.  They ask you why you aren't offended, "because He loves me." What you mean is that your relationship is built on years of mutual commitment, devotion, and trust.  You cant possibly take his words at face value anymore.  You know the meaning and the meaning is love.  You are still listening for fresh cues in your romance (because we do change over the years) but you don't have to fight through the sorting system anymore.

Ok, so recap: We need to get rid of the confusing extremes surrounding our "self help" talks on listening.  Listening for someone's intention is far more effective then listening to every single word.  Selective hearing can be a good thing.  It's good to be aware that we listen through a certain perspective as someone sees through a lens.

I think my frustrations with this topic boil down to this: I am listening to this topic through a legalistic perspective.  I see people saying "you need to listen more" as a task rather than an invitation into a new way of living.  We need to tap into a healthy perspective.

I think we need a new approach to listening.  The easiest way to listen is simplicity, rest, and identity.  If we are resting, at peace with our being, then we can simply listen to someone without any pre-conceived ideas.  We can hope through listening for intent that they are going somewhere.  But we can also realize that we don't have to grab for attention so we can just let them speak.  We need to require from ourselves passionate efficiency in listening.

I got a testimony 'bout Jesus

I wanted to share this testimony on Sunday at church but I wanted to go through my journal entries because the Lord was impressing on my heart to “forget not all his benefits” and to really dig deep and thank him for each individual answer to prayer.  I did read all my journal entries and am now astounded at what an amazing God I serve who knows every detail of my life and wants to give me my heart’s desires.

I have an incredible testimony of God’s goodness in providing the perfect 2 jobs for me.  I quit my job in October in faith.  In November I interviewed to teach at Christian Youth Theater.  I didn’t get the job but, until then, I hadn’t even thought about teaching.  Getting to teach on trial inspired me to pursue teaching.  So I did a lot of research and found that, based on my experience, my best but was to try and find a tiny, grassroots performing arts school where I could get my feet wet and build a resume.  On google, not only did I find something that fit the bill but it was 5 min from my apartment at the time.  I interviewed with them, told them my ideal class and age group I wanted to teach, and it just happened to be exactly what they were looking for.  God totally took care of timing too.  I reached out to them in December—right before their spring semester.

I needed more work to pay the bills.  I started to dream about what kind of job that might be.  I actually wanted administrative work.  Similar to my CYT experience, in April I interviewed for a job that stoked the fire of desire in my heart for that kind of work.  It seemed serendipitous to me.  I had had this idea of working at rehearsal studios in the city and called them putting my name out there.  I week later I got a phone call from a guy from one of them asking me to come into an interview the next day.  They just happened to be needing a new person when I called.  I had my reservations though after the interview: it didn’t pay enough and it would have emotionally difficult to work there all the time during auditions that I could’ve been at.  But not only did this interview (and second interview) serve to increase my desire, it also increased my confidence in my myself.  Out of 150 applicants they told me it was down to me and one other girl.  Well, they picked the other girl.  But it was good because it wasn’t God’s best for me and I would have settled for it if he hadn’t redirected them to her.

The cool thing about this was that I finally had a direction when it came to my job hunting and my prayers.  I’m not going to lie, I think 9 times out of 10 my faith in God and in myself wavered.  But it’s such an incredible story to look back and see him pressing me to press in to him!  I read over some of my journal entries and was astounded at how accurate God’s answer to my prayers were and how important I think it was that I prayed with faith and authority:

·      I prayed that week for a job “not babysitting” making 400 a week.

·      God said, “Ask for what you want and what you need.  They don’t have to be mutually exclusive.”

·      Increased my prayers to 500 a week

·      I actually read somewhere that my personality type excels working in a nurturing environment so I started praying into that a bit (even though I was embarrassed by it a little).

I was distraught because I interviewed with temp agencies hoping to finally work behind a desk and no one wanted to hire me because  a) I had no experience and b) I needed a flexible schedule.

God provided every step of the way.  I thought I couldn’t actually survive past June jobless.  But God miraculously provided for me until he as ready for the doors for this job to be flung open.

A few weeks ago a friend forwarded an email from her friend who manages a family owned Taekwondo studio on the upper west side.  He was looking for a full time receptionist.  I spoke to him and over email and told him that I was looking for something part time.  He said he could work with that.  The most hilarious thing to me is that I feel like I didn’t nail the interview at all!  I have no experience with this kind of work so all I could think say of my strengths was that I am “warm and friendly.”  Amazingly, shortly after our interview he hired me.

Let me say this job is beyond everything I even had faith to pray for!  God told me April 9^th “prepare to receive a 3 fold blessing.”  Well, my job is a threefold blessing!

I knew going into it that my priorities were acting, teaching, and my JHOP community and this job was going to have to work around that.  The difficulty I expressed was that my teaching job was going to increase hours and that it was also the same afterschool schedule as this receptionist job.  So, in our interview conversations, I sent my boss a sample schedule of hours.  It was tight and slightly irregular.  He floored me when he said yes.

The other thing about this job is that God above and beyond answered my prayer for a nurturing atmosphere.  It really is a family.  Though I have tasks to do there’s a lot of down time where my job is literally to sit and have conversations with parents and kids, which actually makes me so happy!  It’s not a boring desk job at all but a job where all of my skills are used and I actually have a say in what happens at the studio.  On top of that I feel like a have such an amazing relationship with my boss.  His grace makes me have grace for myself.  He encourages me daily.

I mean, the financial blessing is obvious.  I make the amount that I had asked God for before I went in for the interview.  Therein I have a testimony within a testimony.  I was going over my budget trying to figure out if I needed to book extra babysitting jobs to get by going into September even with the money I would be receiving from work.  I told the Lord and myself that I needed a certain amount of money.  I was able to pick up more hours so that that amount of money was sliced down to only $150.  On Saturday my boss pulled me aside and told me he had gone over my timesheet and that he had added 10 hours on just because he loved all the hard work I had been doing.  This, of course, amounts to $140.  Crazy!

Addendum: I went into this actually terrified of failing.  I was told I got the job on a trial basis.  That made sense to me.  I had nothing to recommend me to this job except my “warm” personality (something I don’t know that I am always known for either!)  But I because it was a trial basis I was actually terrified of losing the job.  Once I started working though I felt empowered by the Holy Spirit, realizing who I am and all that I have to offer.

Fun fact: I realized that I had a prophetic word when I first moved here that I would be a receptionist.  Of course, at the time I interpreted it figuratively.  How fun that it’s actually true!

Emma and Ramblings Again on Love

I grew up watching the 1996 A&E version of Emma with Kate Beckinsale.  She always bothered me because she doesn’t deserve Knightly’s love.  After reading the book for the first time and watching the BBC mini series, I realize now how and why my feelings have changed.

            All of Austen’s female characters are flawed which makes them very interesting as we watch them learn from one another and grow into better people.  However, for most of the entire book, Emma is unapologetically flawed.  It’s one thing to own your faults, it’s another to be completely ok with them.  Yet, despite all of her failings and faults the most perfect specimen of a man is madly in love with her. 

             To the point now, I always thought of myself as Harriet and Harriet to be the true heroin because she never messed up.  This time round, I was frustrated by Emma’s failings but I was glad of her triumph.  I think a few years of being saturated in the Father’s heart has changed my perspective a bit.  Before I was so quick to be the one to earn love through my own merit.  I was living in self-righteousness.  I was the prodigal son’s brother.  Yet the one who is forgiven much is loved much.

            I think one could argue that Jane Austen thinks love is blind.  Yet let us remember that Knightly spends the entire story lecturing Emma and trying to help her mend her ways.  He is fully aware of her faults.  But he loves her still.

            Instead, I think Austen makes an important point about true love: true love is unconditional.  I think though, it is telling when Knightly begins address her as “Dearest Emma.”  She is no longer just “Emma” to him.

            Furthermore, Austen talks a lot about being perfectly matched.  We all know what that means I believe but I think it’s really important to take a look at.  For most certainly is Knightly matched to Emma in both class and mind.  Yet she, who is given everything, chooses to act foolishly.  She squanders all because of vanity.

            How much more so does God love us! I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13 that says love keeps no record of wrongs.  If we were truly in love with someone, what they do or say should be easily forgivable because of who they are (in God’s case, it’s because of who he is).  He looks at us and says, “I love you no matter what.”

            Let us act as Emma finally does.  We find out of her affections for Knightly through her increasing care of his opinion of her.  How anxious she becomes when she realizes how she is wounding him with her actions!  In the same way, let us run to the good and not the evil.

            Oh!  The more I read about men and women and how we are meant to compliment each other the more I fall in love with my savior.  How much does the Bride of Christ react like I do to the men around me?  I try to control and manipulate rather than trust and wait.  What a kind, gentleman Christ is that he sees our meddling hands and then shows us a better way.  Our repentance completely captivates him and he is undone!  He calls us “dearest” and proposes to us in earnest devotion.  He gave up his home in Heaven to be with us forever!

An Ode to Un-Happenings and other Poems

With my best friend's wedding coming up I thought I would reveal some quite vulnerable poems I wrote recently about relationships.   Please don't judge for I am no poet.  I'm actually thinking of turning what I like into songs as I am also an aspiring songwriter.  Eh, comment if you like.  If you don't like them, I copied them from a friend.  Just kidding.  Enjoy!

An Ode to Un-happenings

In my imagination

We aren’t on the phone

We’re under a cherry blossom tree

That’s tall and free

We’re sitting in a park slope café

Dimply lit sipping wine and leaning close

We’re under a blanket of stars

Atop a mountain taller than all

We wander the ancient streets

Of Europe as the sun sets.

This could simply be

Me falling in love with love

Which is my curse

I constantly wait and

Am hesitant for fear

I’ve imagined a mirage

Neglecting the real you

Who so deserves love too

Can’t trust myself

With this weighty love

My conclusions wouldn’t be

Simply illusions if

You were here

Just like before

Then my friends would be

My safety net

Observing, they’d keep me in check

Then we could actually

See the cherry blossoms

Bud and bloom

Or find ourselves in a café

Stripped of pretension

Or run under the stars

In a vast countryside

Some dreams aren’t too

Far fetched—I’d Love

Because then I wouldn’t fumble

So it would be so easy

To tumble into

Friendship with you

Tears for Love

Once a girl said

Her boyfriend and her broke up

Together they cried

I thought how strange

Stranger still was

How afterwards they got tattoos together

Years later, those actions seem less strange

Sometimes the heart can heal

You see, it’s about love

Not pain

Grief most certainly

Yet inflicting rejection

Is like a stinging injection

The effects are felt long after

I had never known

Till now

How beautiful being wanted

Once can be

Compliments

I am lovely

A true gentleman told me

Once upon a starry night

And then, when he kissed me goodnight

He said it was over

And that was that

And I never saw him again

Yet I always wondered

Who would I be if we had never met?

Placid Night (Sans Magic)

We walked and talked for hours

The moonlight and her powers

Overcame us for a little while

Then a cloud overwhelmed the moon

Her rays drenched the cloud

Penetrating, half illuminating

But never returning to her full force

Leaving us to fend for ourselves

Magic lost, we fumbled for words

Words lost, we left each other

Unable to recover

Goodnight, moon

Love Before You Judge

You know the saying "think before you act?" (I heard this one a lot as a child).  I think we need a new one: "love before you judge."

I was reminded again this week about how easily I can think of myself as better than others. I was at my new job and heard some crazy stuff from my co-workers.  I kept hearing myself say in my mind "wow I can't believe they do that!"  It was almost like the Pharisee saying, "thank you, Lord, that I'm not like them."  As I was verbal processing that night all that went on with a friend I realized I was thinking with a judging mind and not the mind of Christ.

Christians are the worst at this.  I don't know how many times I've heard someone from church say something really judgmental that has really hurt someone because they did not take the time to find out where that person was on their journey.  

First off, we are all sinners saved by grace.  Period.  No one person has a better place in Heaven.  We were all originally designed by the same guy. No matter how far off we get, his love for us never changes.  Similarly, we grow to experience more of his love when we learn to walk in his ways but we in no way earn it the closer we come.

Note: I've heard people saying we cannot judge those outside of the body of the Christ for sin because they don't follow that standard.  Right!  But, even more than that, we cannot and should not push people into acting righteously even if they profess to be Christians.  Only the Holy Spirit can convict. I think of it this way: we are all on the journey of salvation.  Without love, a person can't make it to the end.

(I am not discounting rare occasions when we really should ask our best friends the hard questions.  I'm doing it now in a way.  It is never to show someone how unrighteousness they are though and how much better we are.  It should never be to prove a point.)

People are people. Here's a good rule of thumb: always ask yourself why.  Why am I judging this person?  Am I justified in my judgements?  Usually when we ask The Lord he'll take the focus off the "speck" in our neighbors eye and reveal to us the nasty, big ol' plank in ours.

Why is that verse so amazing?  Because it's talking about skewed vision.  When we are focusing on the sin of the people around us we know our vision is skewed.  We need to ask Papa God for some Holy eye care.

Here's where it gets serious.  The Bible talks about certain followers of Christ who God allowed to judge others.  When Peter called Ananias and Saphira out they instantly died (Acts 5:1-10).  He was obviously walking in a high level of spiritual authority.  But the only way he attained that authority was through love. 

Peter's level of authority is our portion.  It says in Revelation that we will reign with Christ. Yet I honestly cannot see the church stepping into her full authority until we learn how to love. After all, Jesus said, "the greatest commandment is this: love your neighbor as yourself." Not as yourself when you reach your fullest potential--yourself now with all your hang ups and issues).

New Strings

Sometimes something as simple as changing one's guitar strings can change one's outlook.  I realized that fear runs my life. I'm so afraid of messing up again or things going wrong that I don't do anything.

I had already almost effortlessly changed one string.  Then the most horrible thing that could happen occurred: as I was winding the next new string on, it broke.

Even though I thankfully had a third string, I spent the next 20 minutes agonizing over putting this string on. Am I doing this right?  I felt the silent nudge of the Holy Spirit to start from the top down but I ignored it for a while.  When I listened, everything clicked into place and slowly the fear subsided into confidence again.

The emotional block of fear I believe helped cause this delay.  I see the pattern in my everyday life.  I'm afraid to get another job because I don't want to be taken advantage of.  I'm afraid to get another apartment because I might make a financially bad decision like last time.  I'm afraid to even pick a roommate because of what happened last time.

But I at least picked up the guitar.  Part of the beauty of that story was that Holy Spirit gave me the nudge that got me past that moment. He said, "Yay!  You picked up the guitar."  He allowed me to feel both the exhilaration of getting something wrong and the frustration of failure in order to teach me something.

If I let myself live afraid of the possible consequences of my actions everyday, I'll never do anything!  But of these two scriptures I am certain: "perfect love casts out fear." And "God is love."  Therefore I choose to  live in the confidence that God is big enough to take care of every mishap and is more than willing to get me where I need to go. Not only that, but he wants and knows what's best for me and he will lead me into being who I'm meant to be.  That makes me confident that it is possible to live without fear.

Real People Telling their Stories

I'm pleased to announce that I am back on the blogging scene.  I have a few more posts yet in the works but I wanted to post this so any theatre-goers can get their tickets.  Last weekend I saw Violet, a show on Broadway.  Here's my review:

With a story about a young girl who travels to see a preacher so he'll heal her, I was immediately on my guard for cheesiness and stereotypical characters, which is such an easy bent in musical theater anyway.  Refreshingly though I was pleasantly surprised.

Early on I could tell the show was not your typical one.  It started with the character of Flick, a black man in the South in the 60s.  Clearly Flick has faced a lot but he has learned to make the most of it.  Yet, as he encourages Violet, she tells him he can go to school and become an officer and he doesn't think he can.  I have experienced this many a time and see it as very human.  At the very moment someone is proclaiming hope over you they are disbelieving that they can get past their own circumstances.

Perhaps he has a more realistic view based in the times he lives in.  However, in his story, he ultimately does rise above his circumstances proving that anything is possible.

In a story about a girl with a scar, there’s much talk about what you can do with what you're given.  Subtle songs that reveal that theme are a poker playing game that fit within the story itself ("Luck of the Draw").  Thus, even Flick's story, that at first seems to be a sub-plot tinged with the weight of racism, becomes incredibly important to the story and connects well to the idea of beauty (judging based on what we see).

The preacher and a random old woman who walks around serve as a foil to Violet’s character and show us the true ugliness of vanity.  The old woman flaunts her body, the only thing she's ever known to do.  As the show progresses she staggers about in a drunken stupor, her fancy dress falling off her.  The image is both pathetic and grotesque. It serves to remind that sex appeal is fleeting but a woman of character is greatly to be prized.

Similarly, when the preacher is revealed without the glitz and glamour of his music and lights, we see that he is tired and angry--the lights and music mean nothing anymore.  The humanity is clear in the preacher when he both refuses to pray for her and tells her to kneel and ask for inner beauty.  It is human to speak both truth and lies in one breath.  At the same time he denied her joy he spoke of the truth that has been subtlety spoken of the whole show of inner beauty.

Violet's humanity is shown in so many ways throughout the show.  We are aware of her shame and deep pain through songs and flashbacks with her young self dealing with being made fun of.  She shows great character and personality by immediately telling off a waiter who is being racist toward Flick (who she has not met yet).

Her strength is offset by real, human weakness.  Aware that Flick's friend just wants to get in her pants, she tells him he's a little boy early on.  However, when she wants a man to hold her, she settles for sleeping with him.  I see her weakness as choosing validation instead of love.  Again, this is a very human weakness. When you've been told your whole life you're ugly, you'll settle when someone tells you you're pretty even if his intentions aren't pure.

This is not to say that her faults make her who she is and that they actually make her a better person.  The thing that was actually the most attractive about her was her unyielding faith.  She genuinely believed that God had healed her.  The writer does not mock this faith.  In fact, her encounter with the preacher man was not in vain.

Her father and hers relationship is a true testament of humanity and it's consequence.  All she wanted was for her father to look at her.  She thought he didn't because he hated her now that she was ugly.  However, he actually didn't look at her because he still felt guilty that he had done it. This moment of truth was revealed when she sought The Lord and felt his presence.

The last song they sing is not a rousing number about being who you are.  I think it touches more on the depth of pain, the humanity, and the ultimate story about real people helping each other on the road to redemption.  They sing: "If I show you my darkness will you bring me to the light?"

Violet did not come out with a bullhorn and blare the theme in show stopping numbers.  Rather, it is proof that perhaps testimony is more powerful than propaganda and that the truth is perhaps a bit more nuanced and therefore deserves a more nuanced response.  It was a story composed of real people and real details that made the truth even more poignant and allowed me to be even more hopeful for humanity.

Enjoy the Ride: A Vision for Growth in the Bigger Picture

         I know people get mad when girls compare romance to their relationship with Christ.  Here’s what I have to say: Paul did it.  Check out Ephesians 5:15-33.  Marriage is a supposed to be a prophetic picture of Christ and the Church.  Furthermore, I can only speak from experience and my experience is that the Lord speaks to me through romance.

            I’m going to be quoting someone else’s blog that I deeply respect here.  Dave Sliker says, “The revelation of the love of Christ – the experiential knowledge of it –  instructs us in how to love well and serves as an anchor that holds our hearts firm during the storms of life.”  It’s a never ending circle of revelation.  Romance shows us how much Christ loves us and how Christ loves us is a model for our earthly relationships (romantic or not).

            God told me during this crazy process of moving “You can’t get two steps ahead of me.”  He was speaking to my striving and over analyzing situations.  I philosophize my way out of situations (or sometimes into them) because I’m not waiting for the current of his presence and yielding to his peace in the moment.  If something isn’t going well, I’m always trying to fix it (i.e. myself).  If something is going well, I’m automatically thinking how it’s going to end and how am I going to deal with the fall out.  It’s always black or white.

            But God is the pursuer of his bride and his desire never changes.  He will win her over even when she gives him a thousand excuses.  He does this by two primary character traits:

            God is gentle.  Ok, guys, you have my permission to close your ears.  One of my favorite TV shows, Call the Midwife recently aired an episode in which a young bride is expecting and throughout the pregnancy is constantly trying to impress her new husband.  She does her make-up and hair and tries to cover up her varicose veins.  However, when she just gives birth she can’t hide her tussled hair, sweaty face, vomit, and pain.  The most beautiful thing in this moment is that you see his heart for her.  He is so gentle and says that he wants to nurse her back to health.  He says he doesn’t care about those things.  He asks to be the one to take care of her.

            That is just how Jesus is.  He knows that we can’t hide the ugly parts of life from him.  He still wants to care for us.  He wants to be next to us, holding us.  He wants us to let him in.

            Jesus’ heart is like a lover and he calls us to love just as radically.  I am called to be gentle.  If I see a wounded brother or sister, Christ’s heart in me should compel me to gentleness.  In the past I thought calling people out on their sin was good.  But how much better is it to speak truth over them?  How much sweeter is it that we hold them through the pain and serve them when it gets ugly?

            He is patient.  He’s all about the process and he has a plan whether we see it or not.  It dawned on me that in many romantic comedies we are privileged to see the desire of the man grow as he watches a woman from a distance, smiling, and quietly pursuing the girl whether she recognizes it or not.  Two offhand examples are Life as we know it and Silver Linings Playook.  In each of them the guy has a moment where he realizes he’s in love with the girl (you can actually see it on his face when he looks at her) and now he’s going to quietly do everything he can to woo her.  He’s patiently waiting for her to see his plan and his heart.

            Similarly I’m called to be patient.  I know doing anything out of a motive of fear is not doing it out of living in God’s endless supply of patience.  I have found God leads me well when I am leaning into him.  I do my part and I let him do his. 

            It may not look like what I expected.  He may not come in riding on a white horse.  He may be watching me from afar.  He may be patiently and gently drawing me to himself.  He’s the Bridegroom pursuing me and I’m ready and waiting for him to lavish his love on me.