I can only be me.
This is an important revelation for me. I think I probably spend two thirds of
my life comparing myself to others and wanting to be like them. Yeah, if they’re wonderful people that
can be good. But I didn’t know
what it meant to be me.
But then I had people around me championing me, cheering me
on. That’s when I realized I can’t have Joann or Jeff’s crazy
servant heart. I’ll never know
enough about pop culture or have the history Tasha and Michelle do. I’m me. That’s when I started receiving what the Father had to say
about me. He debunked a lot of
lies.
1) Lie: “Jeff is a better worship leader, therefore he
should lead.”
Truth: “I’m giving this one to you though. Receive your breakthrough.”
I brought my guitar because I had been asked to. We are a giant community of worshippers
but Jeff and I are the only ones who play guitar. The whole time I was planning on handing off the guitar to
Jeff. I’m happy to be second in
command. But Jeff happened to not
be there when I was asked to play.
I received major breakthrough not only in realizing I could lead but,
when I asked Jordan to lead a song singing, I felt like a confident guitar
leader for the first time and connected some dots that I had not connected
before. I felt like for the first
time I know what it means to lead on an instrument.
2) Lie: “If you share your heart, they’ll laugh at you.”
Truth: “Your heart matters to me.”
Here’s a funny story.
I was really vulnerable when someone asked me a question but, because of
my wording, I got laughed at. I
was so embarrassed but the quick response of those around me to make my words
matter was incredible to me.
3) Lie: “If they knew me they wouldn’t say that about me”
Truth: “I do know you and I love you because of that.”
I’m just such a unique person. I can’t quite describe all the odd things I did this
weekend. Singing every second is a
given. I guess I was just
constantly surprised that, in everything I did, I was encouraged. I was constantly waiting for a negative
word. I was waiting to be labeled a “weirdo.” But my friends champion me. They constantly verbally affirm everything about me. Even when I can’t see the good in me
they call it forth.
I don’t
remember what it was but at the beginning of the weekend I was in a weird place
emotionally and feeling very insecure.
I said something not so great about myself. My friend caught it and immediately renounced it. It was like every demon that wanted to
attach itself to me was running for the hills because my friends spoke the
truth.
4) Lie: Your constant need for physical touch is weird.
Truth: Touch is good.
I got to know a few people over this weekend who are even
more touchy feely than me. They
brought out another side to me.
5) Lie: You will never feel connected. You are doomed to desire and lonliness.
Truth: All
weekend I was conversing with Lord over this strange phenomena of connection
and how I deeply yearn to be connected to one person, knit together with every
fiber of our being. It was cool
because I didn’t experience it with one person but with many. I had a few one on one conversations
where I felt deep connection. I
will cherish that feeling.
In short. My
love tank is full. My friends and
Papa God himself brought God’s heart for me all weekend.
