Arrived -Stop- Arrive
by me
The lines, the cars, the hustle, the bustle,
The business, the dreariness, the freezing-coldness
I awake, I audition, I work, I walk
And then, pause, and think about You.
That’s where I begin to see truth
In You
In You
Then my life, my fears, my hopes, my tears,
The pain, the heartbreak, the laughter, the weariness,
It all makes sense in some weird sort of way.
The clouds pass away and I can see, bright as day
Father You
You
--This poem actually is my sort of description of this morning. After closing last night until 11:30 and waking up at 6:30 this morning, I stumbled into Panera only to discover that I was not supposed to be there until 11am not 8am as I had thought. Grumpily I slumped down into one of the booths. My friend offered me his Netflix account to soothe my angered soul. This week though I discovered the only thing that really can do this is God. So as I installed the Netflix app on my phone I searched for the prayer room webstream. When I re-arrived or clocked in at 11am I was a whole different person. My best friend totally met me this morning and encountered me with his love. I can say now that the whole reason I arrived so early was simply because God wanted my undivided attention. Isn't it sad he had to confuse me in order to get it? Next time I'll be more willing.
That was merely a side note.
I wanted to go to bed but I can’t stop writing so I thought
I’d put it pour it all into my blog (because that usually brings me to the
point of exhaustion ha ha).
Here
I sit after months away from this, poring over my notes from Sojourn Institute
and writing a “lesson plan” or devising idea to move a script I’m writing
forward. Yes, I’m actually doing
it. Well, not devising yet. However, I’ve been writing a lot. Mostly working on a couple plays, some
poetry and random journaling that always turns very metaphorical or dramatic
and then I have to get back to writing my scripts.
Tonight
though was bliss! It all started
when my friend asked to collaborate with me on writing a play. I’ve never collaborated on a play
before and I was so excited. I
immediately started writing anything and everything around the story we had
agreed on. As I was writing it
dawned on me that it would be really fun and helpful to me to devise a bit to
see how to create the play. That’s
when I went back to my Sojourn notes and began to sculpt this elaborate way of
making other actor-artists co-create.
Then I realized I can’t do this alone or even with one other actor. My methods of creating involve other
people.
I
so desire to have actors to do this with!
I’m wondering if I should just throw it all up in the air
and see who will catch it or if will come crashing down on my head? I have a couple actor friends but I’m
not the best communicator. “Hey,
let’s get together and improvise” means so many different things to so many
different people and I’m SO insecure.
The irony is that the themes I’m exploring in this story are about
insecurities/repression/and opening up to people ha ha.
So
here I sit dreaming of my perfect ensemble of actors who won’t judge me but
will create with me this story.
Meanwhile, I’m actually dreaming my way into never doing it because
people are HUMANS, not characters from some fictional story I wrote. They WILL think differently from me and
that’s exactly what I need: people who don’t see the world the way I do.
I want you to know that I will be posting more regularly.
I do have things to say.
I’m not afraid to say them.
I’m going to start proof-reading.
