A Wake up Call

I was thinking about predestination and choice and why that matters specifically with regards to the recent White Supremist incident and it's aftermath.  At first glance this group of humans does not seem like a group of humans at all but instead a demonic mob incited by Satan itself.  In fact, social psychology has proven that groups tend to make more extreme decisions than individuals (group polarization).  Yet I was struck by the fact that one of the group's members was just a kid who's mother had no idea what he was doing. He was human.  I think it is very important that he's given the dignity of choice no matter how tragic the outcome.  The question is: do these people recognize what they are doing for what it is?

As I was running I was thinking about how we set boundaries for ourselves so that we can live healthy, productive lives.  One of those boundaries I’ve set for myself is working out 4 times a week.  It’s great because it’s flexible.  I don’t’ have to exercise on a certain day.  It could be however long I have too, 30 min-an hour.  Why do I set this boundary?  Does this matter to me?  Moving is something that helps my body feel healthy, helps it operate correctly.  Specifically for me if I don’t work out I have bad back pain. I know what it feels like to not work out and to work out.

So coming back to that choice.  I think people do recognize what they’re doing for the most part.  I don’t think they recognize the long term outcomes of their actions.  They don’t know yet- It’s like they are unhealthy individuals eating whatever they want and just being a couch potato.  But they haven’t gained weight.  It hasn’t affected them in a deep way yet.  But they don’t know yet what it feels like to give up those things and to move into a healthy lifestyle because they’ve never tried it.  They only know their perception of reality.  So they continue to choose their perception of reality.

They have to have an wake up call, a reason to move past their reality.

I think one of the best examples of this "wake up call" I found watching this TV show on Netflix called the Crown about Queen Elizabeth and Winston Churchill.  It's a true story that fog descended on England for a week I think it was.  The fog created unsafe and unhealthy living conditions in London by trapping emissions in the air.  Many people died as a result.  

It was a national crisis yet the Churchill was very stubborn in saying there was nothing he could do about it and refused to do anything because it didn’t matter to him personally.  He thought it was just weather and it was going to pass. We can venture to say perhaps his personal living conditions, being from a different socio economic class than the rest, was all he perceived and therefore his perception of reality was skewed.  

Yet a girl who worked for him—a girl who sort of idolized him and devoted herself to studying his work and had made some sort of an impact on him through working with him—was running in the dark and couldn’t see her way in the dark trying to help her friend who was very sick from the fog, gets hit by a bus and dies.  Well, Churchill found out about this and we see him at the the hospital in a rage. All of a sudden he is a stake holder.  Now it matters to him.  Now he’s invested. 

My use of business terms is intentional.  A stakeholder is simply someone who is invested. They’ve put forth their own money because they believe in something.  A lot of people don’t do that with this issue of racism because they don’t see it as an issue.  A lot of people that I have talked to are not necessarily biased one way or the other.  But because of their socio economic background, their geographic location, the people they’re around constantly, it doesn’t mean anything to them personally.

Churchill reacted to this girl's death, put forth money from the government towards the hospitals and recovery, and was willing to do what he could. This story is a great example of what it looks like to make a choice but not be fully aware of what your choices entail for other people.  It’s not like some demonic force comes upon you and you do things.  It’s more complex than that as most human behavior is.

 Back to boundaries.  Because we know this is human nature I propose that sometimes we make choices that are really really bad.  In light of that, sometimes boundaries need to be set for us.  I know that I am going to create a space where people are challenged to move past their perception of the world and join a conversation that will hopefully create investment in others' lives that are completely different than their own. 

I think it will be important in these instances to separate the individual from the group in order to truly get to their heart.  The key is in our design. We were designed for relationship.  We were designed to care for people. So if we can put it in terms that people understand, that matter to them, and teach them that it’s our responsibility for everyone to matter then I think we can help people recognize that their perception of reality may not be the only one that matters.

Boundary Lines

The reason that I’ve been drawn to an art form with less clearly defined boundary lines is probably because growing up I didn’t understand boundary lines.  I needed an expressive outlet that didn’t have clearly defined boundary lines. Part of that was because I was (am) dyslexic (I couldn’t read until I was 11) therefore writing as a creative art form did not make sense to me.

I still think the easiest and pure form of art for me is when you put good actors in a room and you give them a story, a concept, or an idea, and say “go!” and let them just be in the moment.  They do need boundaries too.  But they’re not as observable to the outside world.

The older I get I recognize that boundary lines are the foundation and the key to good art.  I appreciate writing as artwork now. My younger sister has her Masters now in Creative Writing. I read her work and I think it’s amazing how she can carefully craft words and she takes time to put them within the boundary lines of the text.  I appreciate that.

Boundaries are the building blocks to everything we do.  God created the world with boundaries. It was a massive void until he created.  I realize that the very act of creation was setting boundary lines. He said, “Let there be an expanse in the midst of the waters and let it separate the waters from the waters” (Gen. 1:6).  In Job God actually says that he set a boundary line for the sea: “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?  Or shut the sea in with doors…and prescribed limits for it” (Gen 38:4,10).

That’s the key to parenting too.  The more that I spend time with my best friends who are parents and also just observe children I get to “parent,” the more I recognize how key boundaries are to their development. I know that if rules are given in love they create a greater sense of identity in the child to where creativity can flow freely, unhindered.

I’ve been studying the creative process ever since I went to school for acting that’s what, 10 years ago?  10 years of study has made me begin to recognize that boundaries are so key.  A lot of boundaries have to do with opening up new boxes, setting new parameters, asking new questions – that get to the heart of the issue.

The key to good boundary setting that allows for the most creativity is knowing when to place them and when to take them away.  My guitar teacher this summer said, “we must know the rules first and then we can break them.”  Then, when he saw me play a chord that was not in the key I was in he began to show me all the open doors I will eventually walk through as I continue to think outside the box.

The Abundance Conversation

We throw these terms around a lot in the church like “a poverty spirit” or an “orphan mindset” but what do they mean?  They are lumped terms for principles taught countless times in the Scriptures like when Jesus fed the 5,000 and the disciples were looking around for food and only saw the small amount they had, not the abundance God wanted to give.  The poverty spirit essentially means “living as though there is lack.”  An orphan mindset is when we don’t walk as though we are daughters and sons of a great king.

So the abundance conversation began because I sort of (but not to the extent that I normally do) freaked out because my birthday was approaching.  I was sitting on the train thinking about this and then began to ask God why I act like this.

“Why is that every year on my birthday I cannot seem to decide what I want to do and everything has to be perfect?” I queried.  He proceeded to reveal to me that as a child I was taught this.  My parents would get me one huge extravagant gift as well as let me throw these huge parties. My grandfather who was a retired doctor would send us these large sums of money on our birthdays.  “You can have what you want but only on your birthday.”  Great principle, right?  I thought so.  Well, I feel like it’s sort of set me up for failure.

Another example in that vein: As a child when my parents took us kids clothes shopping every season I’d watch my sisters find an abundance of fun and exciting new styles.  I learned from the shake of my mother’s head and her sigh that practical things were best.  So I was the most practical daughter I could be and I was greatly praised for it.

As an adult now I feel shame when I spend money on myself.  I’ve learned to associate shame with buying nice things.  My friends allot money in their budget to nails, hair, spa treatment, make up, clothing, accessories, and perfume.  I do not.  Until last year as an adult I had never bought new clothing (except for jeans when I had to).

Conversely, I talked to my younger sister recently, trying to praise her for her shopping habit.  She instantly responded in shame.  She was taught that these things were bad.  Meanwhile, I wished I had what she had.

It has taken me years to recognize that where my sister and I are at is not healthy.  It’s not what Father God wants for us.  Slowly I have started allowing myself to enjoy spending money on myself.  I started very slowly buying new clothes (on sale at H&M but, hey, I don’t have the income yet).  I started doing my nails more than once a year.  I went to the spa few times.

The test now is: how do I do this throughout the year for myself so that on my birthday I don’t panic and think of all the things I want to do for myself?  This is what I’m learning.  This is my process. 

This year I feel like I did have a major breakthrough for my birthday plans.  Though the details matter they suddenly aren’t the be-all end-all of my existence.  For instance, I know I will probably go to at least one more nice restaurant before I turn 29. So I can pick a restaurant that will comfortably seat more people because people matter more than my perfect ambiance and food.  I didn’t have to see a show or do anything on my birthday because I know that I can do those things not on my birthday and I will be ok.  I had this revelation that I have a father who cares about me that wants to celebrate me everyday.

My biggest revelation in an inner healing session I recently had was that I have needs and God wants to meet those needs.  I mean, that’s huge.  It’s time to let God heal those wounds so that I can live in abundance as a daughter of a king – there’s always more than enough with him.