The first thing I noticed as the city pace wore off and the calm began to take root was the immediate awareness I had of my thoughts and feelings. The slow breathing in and out. The simplicity of being.
The second thing I noticed was God's voice, so unlike my own, breaking into my many thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it was a simple sentence or phrase. Other times it was accompanied, as I've known many times in the past, by a picture.
Then there was the new rhythm. I woke with the sun just before 6:00am. The bell at 6:50 beckoned me to the Matins service. 5 times a day we sang(chanted?), prayed, and listened to the word read. (It reminded me of the 6am shift of my 24 hours a week in the prayer room when I was at IHOPU school of ministry). The chanting song of the Psalms of the monks sank into my being long after service.
I had no expectations of what taking part in the liturgy would do to me but if I have learned anything from my 22 year walk with the Lord it's that changing my way of doing things often yields me to God's presence even more. In one service, Colossians 3 was read and I felt like God was speaking right to me. After the service I poured over the text again as God reminded me of my own personal history in him and his love for me.
Finally, I noticed the smell of the burning incense and it reminded me of the prayers of the saints "The smoke of the incense, together with the prayers of God’s people, went up before God from the angel’s hand" (Revelation 8:4). After a fitful evening of praying and feeling nothing I sat in the chapel and smelled the incense. I just sat and smelled it. Then, I began to let my imagination wander, and suddenly I was speaking to God as one does to a friend about my future and the next thing I knew I was declaring things over my future family-my husband and my children.
I had asked God to meet me in a way I had met him many times before the night before. When it didn't happen I had resigned myself to being content with the simple beautiful things he taught me on this trip. Yet, when I just went to sit and smell the incense and think about the praise that had gone up from this place for so many years, that's when the God came with his mighty presence and shook my frame so that I did not want to leave. It was a holy moment indeed at the Holy Cross Monastery.
