Effective communication is 10% the message and 90% how it is communicated. Maybe it’s just because I’m a sensitive soul but last night’s debate was anything but effective communication.
I (like the majority of Americans I suspect) know nothing about politics except what was fed to me by the movies and tv shows I watched. I know I was designed as a visual learner and understand things only through story. I learned the majority about the presidential elections from the tv show Veep (which, I suspect, is not far from the truth). The whole premise of political campaigning is that it doesn’t matter what you say but it matters HOW you say it.
Now some people on either side may think, “Haha that is it! That is the exact problem! My candidate isn’t a bad person. They just don’t know how to communicate effectively.”
The argument that they have prepared intensely for this moment in history aside, as a Christian, I think Jesus was pretty clear about what bad communication tells us. In multiple passages he talks about it (most notably Matthew 23) but his words can be summed up in one verse: “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”
I was thinking about effective communication this morning in the context of when I broke up with my boyfriend. He had miscommunicated something to me at the outset that I felt I asked him very clearly about. I felt extremely betrayed. Yet how he handled that and communicated with me about his actions spoke volumes to me about his character and how I would be treated down the line if I chose to be in relationship with him again.
A) He apologized- he owned up to his mistake, sincerely said he was sorry, and explained how he would make amends and then DID by being honest with me from that point on.
B) He was humble- He accepted his humanity in the situation and addressed every point I brought up that bothered me. This showed an intense amount of vulnerability.
C) He was gentle- he empathized with my heart and over and over told me how he heard me and understood where I was coming from.
D) He was firm- In my anger I started spewing assumptions at him about who he was based on his actions. Yet he didn’t allow me to besmear his character over this miscommunication. He waited till he felt it was appropriate to do so and then told me gently how wrong he believed I was.
For me, I EXPECT this from the man who will pursue my heart. How can I expect less from my president?
