The Full Creative Life

Recently I read a Time Out New York interview with Jason Mraz. 

He said something that really resonated with exactly what I have been feeling in this season:

“I loved singing: that was my joy.  Musical theater was an option, but when I got to New York I started playing guitar, and that became another option.  And I thought, Wow, I can play guitar and sing on the street corner, on the subway, anywhere!  I don’t need to be a waiter and go to auditions the rest of my life.” (Nov 8^th issue, p 43).

I say that to say this:

I feel like we subject ourselves to victim mentalities as artists.  Why won’t someone just discover me?  Why won’t someone cast me?  Why don’t I have an agent?  No one seems to notice me.  No one seems to see me.

I used to watch Funny Girl and dream of one day getting to be Barbara Streisand.  I knew I had all of these emotions and if I could just get a set, hair, make up, and music—I would be able to FEEL so many things and people would love it.  They’d love me the way they love Barbara.

I’m learning a few things though about vulnerability and unmet needs.  Being vulnerable does not mean sharing all of your dreams and desires to the entire world.  I’m still learning what to share and what not to share and how to fit it all in with my values.  I’ve hid my whole life behind the value of wanting realness, raw emotion. Yet maybe that was actually to mask my true vulnerability after all.

I discovered recently that I love singing and playing my guitar.  Even if I’m still pretty terrible at playing guitar, writing new melodies is an outlet for my singing that I had never known before.  That way, when I walk into an audition and present myself I’m not doing it out of neediness—a desire to put my art out there.  I’ve already been meeting that need.  I’m already filling my artistic coffers.

We do not need casting directors, agents, managers, or audiences to tell us we who we are.   If we did, we would be shadows of human beings.  We just need to look in the mirror and trust the people who are closest to us.

Unlike Jason, I do not plan on giving up on my dream to both act and sing in order to pursue a career in music.  I've learned though not to limit myself but to continue to expand and grow in areas beyond my comfort zone.  I still believe that it’s all toward the same purpose: being the full, true, creative person I was meant to be.