When Jesus went outside of his home to the desert, that's when Satan appeared. Similarly, Jesus said of Peter, "Satan has asked to sift you. But I have prayed for you." Further back, Satan challenges God that Job only loves God because everything is going right in his life. So God tells Satan to test Job's faith in God. Satan takes everything away from Job and Job chooses God at the end of the day. This story is repeated over and over again in the Bible.
Recently I was taken out of my normal routine (literally expelled from my home). I had to confront lonliness (my biggest fruit of the flesh. You know, because we have fruit of the spirit we also have fruit of the flesh). I realized there are roots of rejection and fear that have been lurking in my heart all along.
Over a long period of time (I'm talking years) I had felt like I saw some unhealthy patterns in my life that I needed help breaking. But shame and embarressment warred against my need. There was so much stigma around getting help that I justified not doing it. Even saying that I have patterns makes me desperately want to clarify that I'm not a sex or porn addict. I find this tendency proves my point even more. I am ashamed, terrified of other people knowing "my stuff" and I mask it all with that "I've got it all together" pride.
Furthermore, I thought because I had gained victory on my own through time in other areas that these fruits would just go away on their own or at least if I declared truth over them long enough I'd see breakthrough. I even justified my ignoring help with the fact that I was in "Holy Spirit Academy." I truly believed at one point because I was going through such a beautiful season of feeling the presence of the Lord that I had it all together. It's true, his love enveloped me in such a special way in that season. Then something would happen and no matter how much I declared, I'd still get entanged in lies from one trigger.
Let me just give a quick side note. Yes, it's important to bind and loose and declare and repent. But sometimes you have to physically step away from a situation and put some boundaries in place to help you. This is especally true for addicts! When Potipher's wife came on to Joseph he didn't just stand there and say "No." He actually physically ran away! Sometimes you're putting yourself in unwise, compromising positions and overspiritualizing when you should find people to help you stop what you're doing and go in the opposite direction. (I had a teacher who used to say "Get out of the stupid room!")
Ok, I'm going to go here for a minute. There's a whole "spiritual" practice that tells you to focus on the good and the bad will just, I don't know, melt away I guess. And there is some truth to this. After all, we are to think on whatever is true, whatever is pure, and whatever is lovely. However, it's irrational and totally impractical to ignore a gaping emotinal wound caused by trauma. It's like placing a bandaid on something that needs stitches. We are not actually dealing with the problem.
So now I'm out in desert, by myself, getting the help I need, does that mean I'm a terrible person? Or worse, does God want to watch me fail in front of others?
Back to Jesus' 40 days in the desert, Satan asked essentially, “if you strip everything away, are you really who you say you are?”
Jesus responded, “yes. I am.”
God didn't take Jesus out to the desert because he wanted to watch him fail. He took him out there so that his identity would rise to the challenge.
"And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?" (Hebrews 12:5-7).
I guess I did forget that God is a gentle father, correcting to bring healing, not condemnation and shame. He does it because he loves me not because he hates me. My fear of getting help probably stemmed from a wrong God picture. My earthly father was hard on me. With an exasperated tone he would say, "When will you learn?" But my God Is not like that. He's not exasperated by my cycles of self hatred and intense lonliness.
God is after a whole, victorious you. And he will use anything to get you there. He loves you and his heart is not to condemn. Don’t let anything keep you from the victory he has for you.
"And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,6 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”[a]7 Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?" (Hebrews 12:5-7).
I guess I did forget that God is a gentle father, correcting to bring healing, not condemnation and shame. He does it because he loves me not because he hates me. My fear of getting help probably stemmed from a wrong God picture. My earthly father was hard on me. With an exasperated tone he would say, "When will you learn?" But my God Is not like that. He's not exasperated by my cycles of self hatred and intense lonliness.
God is after a whole, victorious you. And he will use anything to get you there. He loves you and his heart is not to condemn. Don’t let anything keep you from the victory he has for you.
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