Why I Love My Job

          Honestly, my initial reasoning for wanting to be a nanny was that I needed to make money and I didn’t like the other alternatives.  Quickly after that what developed in my heart was an uncontrollable ache to be near children.  Although I know this ache was Holy Spirit inspired, I think it’s natural for females in their twenties and thirties to feel it.  Why?  Because we were created to be moms.

            At the same time, I have this inexplicable knowledge in the depths of my soul that I was created to be a dramatic artist.  It is at the core of who I am.  I could give you a thousand reasons why this is true but I don’t need to.  I just know it.  This desire to be an artist is another uncontrollable ache.  What I never realized is that, all along, there was a master plan that connects (and will ultimately connect) these two desires so that I am completely fulfilled in the depths of my being.

            I knew I loved children.  I knew I wanted to sew into their lives.  Yet I was not that person growing up that you immediately labeled as a “kid person.”  I did not have the confidence to run up to a child and grab them and twirl them around in their mother’s presence.

            Because of this I was delighted when a mom actually gave me a chance to nanny her two beautiful children.  As I got used to it I realized I was becoming confident that I can do this.  It has also set me on a road of prayer for wisdom like I have never asked for it before.  I may not be super nanny yet but desire for motherhood led me to take practical steps in learning how to love children more and has allowed me to recognize my abilities to do so.

            I also realized that there is a beautiful convergence between artist and “mom” (nanny) that can take place.  When I’m with the four-year-old, Ryan, I get to be artist, collaborator, and co-creator. 

            As we play, he constantly challenges me to create original moments.  The scariest improv game I can think of is when he asks me “what does he say?” about a character (sometimes out of the blue).  This game always keeps me on my toes!  I look at the figurine and have to come up with something that will instantly propel a story forward (or at least make him laugh).

            4-year-olds, I have noticed, have an innate desire for repetition.  At first this frustrated me—how many times are we going to replay the same stinkin’ scenario?!  Yet each time we replayed the moment, I realized I was finding out more details about the story and the character.  I could go deeper with the motivation.  Each time we did it was like a rehearsal for the next one.  I have discovered so much through this exercise of repetition!

            I am learning flexibility.  Sometimes my best offering is just not what Ryan had in mind.  He will tell me adamantly, “No!”  The director has spoken.  Time to try something new.

            I am learning how to make useful moments where I can apply theatre techniques to get what I need to get done in the real world.  When I first started bathing Ryan he refused to let me scrub him with soap.  As we played Star Wars it occurred to me to make Darth Vader afraid of the soap and play out the same scenario, making Vader a cry-baby.  I said, “Look, Darth Vader, Ryan’s not afraid of the soap.”  Ryan was hooked and instantly let me scrub him down.  I was so excited that it actually worked!

            Finally, I am becoming fearless in my creations.  Before I started playing with Ryan I was so concerned that what I had to offer was crazy or silly.  Now I believe I have the ability to say “why not?” and go for it.

            A huge reason why I love my job is that it challenges me to pursue dramatic art even more than I did before I got the job.  It makes me work harder to achieve the goals I’ve set for myself.  I’m motivated to prepare for and go to that audition because, if I don’t, I’ll just be a nanny and I know I was created for more.  As much as I adore these kids, I’m learning to create a life for myself outside the walls of play and pretend.

            I wrote a poem back in KC called “An Artist with a Day Job.”  In it I said, “though tired is never bored.”  I think that describes my life to a T!  I never thought I could so perfectly fulfill my desires in one job before I started being in a nanny.   Not only that but a major theme I see in my learning artistry and learning motherhood is the confidence I am gaining in both areas.  Being a nanny has actually given me more confidence to pursue my dreams wholeheartedly.