For
weeks now I’ve been telling the Lord, “I’m rearing and ready to go.” I just keep repeating that phrase to
him, in case he’s missed the fact that I’m ready to step into actually doing theatre instead of theoretically doing it. I’m very eager to get to the product yet, if I was there, I
would have missed the process.
OUCH!!!
Amidst
the craziness of my life I decided to go running. This is maybe the 2nd time in my life where I’ve
done this. When I got home and
today I was in immense pain. I limped
across the room and asked my roommate if my hips are supposed to hurt. There was a good pain and a not so good
pain going on all at once. I
collapsed exhausted on the couch.
Later
that day I was reading through some old journals when I came across this phrase
the Lord had spoken to me last year, “You’re used to sprinting. I’m going to teach you how to
jog.” Of course I did not make the
connection until today that the Lord used
my run to teach me a lesson.
When I talked to him about it I could just feel him smiling on me and he
simply said, “You were over-zealous and you over did it.”
My
sprint was a metaphor for my life.
I tried to do everything in one day. I’m all scattered because I’m trying to accomplish
everything I know I’m called to all at once. I’m frustrated because I can’t push myself to be where I
want to be all at once.
Ok,
God. So life isn’t a sprint. I need endurance. You’re teaching me to jog.
I
have to tell you, I really do love to sprint but I have always hated
jogging. I don’t have endurance
and I easily give up when it comes to physical strain just for the sake of
exercise. If I was climbing a
mountain to see a spectacular view that would be another thing or dancing to
create a beautiful dance. I have a
hard time with exercise for exercise sake.
Could
it be also that God is teaching me to trust him even when the road to my vision
seems unclear and even when the vision itself is blurry? Could it be he’s teaching me
about the journey (learning to exercise for the sake of exercise) rather than
the outcome?
Seasons
The
Lord told me also before I left (I think even before I arrived at IHOP) that he
was going to teach me about seasons.
Yeah, I’m from California, what do I know about seasons? Every season is pretty much the same
weather. That word meant nothing to me.
I even heard Sam give a word on it and thought it only had to do with
waiting and such.
Then
I’ve had conversations with my roommate who is quite the wise sage for being
only 5 years my senior. He
understands seasons and he is possibly one of the most patient people I’ve ever
met. When I would come to him and
say, “I just don’t understand why I’m not there yet” he would smile and say,
“maybe it will make sense a few years down the road.” Every time I walk away from conversations with him I think,
“He really understands seasons!”
The
Lord reminded me that one day I felt like I wanted to watch one of my favorite
movies 17 Again and that I had missed the whole point of what the Lord was
doing in me through that! Zach’s
character has this line that he says to his daughter, “When you’re young
everything feels like the end of the world, but it's not. It's just the
beginning.”
Some
things that I’m learning then about seasons are that: They do not last forever
but do eventually pass. Each of
them has something in it that you will take with you into the next season. There are no regrets, only growth. Discontent is sometimes a catalyst for
the next season. More often than
not though it is an invitation to posture your heart differently in the current
season. Finally, you are never too
old (this is one I could write a whole other blog on! Ladies, ahem, we have a hard time waiting for Mr. Right). Time is completely irrelevant. If you pass through 10 seasons and have
not reached the one you’re hoping for, you are still in a good place. I am still young and do have a lot of
growing to do in learning about seasons.
What He’s doing RIGHT NOW
All
of this is teaching me to focus on the present and what he’s currently doing in
me in this season. While I was on
my walk/run I let it all out before the Lord—all my bottled up anger and
frustration. He said something to
me like, “Live in the moment.” At
the time I argued with him and philosophized as to why that does not really
work with me right now because one way or another that makes me freak out. I interpreted living in the moment in
my own legalistic terms of striving.
Later
though I realized he’s been trying to teach me for weeks just to rest in his
love, just to receive. That is what he meant and if I had let
him get word in he probably would have explained it me. (Sometimes when I spend time with the
Lord it’s just me talking the entire time. I know he loves it but I know I probably would get more out
of it if I’d just listen once and while).
After
my run, also, I had a conversation with a dear friend and I was really excited
to hear about his stories of doing ministry. I expected, like all my other friends, to hear these
incredible stories of miracles (also, he’s seen quite a few in his life I’m
sure). Instead, however, he shared
how the Lord is teaching him to lead in wisdom.
I
thought, “God, you are doing so much in teaching me about wisdom and I
completely discount it and wonder why I’m not doing x y or z.”
So
my prayer has been and will continue to be, “Lord, show me the secret of
contentment. Help me to abide in
your love.” I’m reminded of my
favorite a song that will be sung at my wedding:
Seasons may change
Winter to spring
But I’ll love you
Until my dying day
In
conclusion, (and I hope that this blog has not bored you with it’s length,) I
am learning about seasons. I hear
the Lord say, “Hold on, my dear prophetic one! You’ve seen so far down the road that you need to give
yourself a break or else you’ll never get to the end of the race!” I have to train. I’m in a marathon. Who knew!
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