Some people grew with Taylor Swift others with the Beatles. I grew with Once.
I didn't realize it until I found myself sitting in Radio City Music Hall with tears filling my eyes. This music has been a part of my story in one way or another for 15 years.
It all began in college. I was in a musical and sitting around during rehearsal waiting to run some songs. My friend and castmate (who happened to have a huge crush on) popped an earbud in my ear and I heard the beautiful swelling sounds of the music from this movie. I would later watch the movie, and though I never dated that guy, I instantly fell in love with this movie and it's songs would play a major part in my life from that point on. Mostly then being played over and over again after a rejection or sad moment in my life. As most good songs are timeless, and will pop up over and over again.
Fast forward to living in New York. Though I auditioned constantly my friends at church that I spent the majority of my time with were not theater people. I had one theater friend for many years from my time living in Missouri. But interestingly the year David walked into my life he played such a significant part in my journey. He was a theater guy and the first one that I did not have a crush on. He went to see Once with me and watched me light up.
That experience would leave a mark on my life. The way they took the themes of the Indie film of hope and hopelessness and portrayed them was beautiful and touching. It was something only a stage musical could pull off. It would come back to me later as I grew and started to be come cynical. It took many years to start to realize the depths of the meaning behind this music.
I watched Glen perform with another friend from church at the King's Theater and ended up knowing the songs from Didn't He Ramble backwards and forwards like the songs from once.
My story in the theater world like Glen's character's story in Once was often characterized by large seasons of hopelessness. There was a spark of hope that hit me when I started seeing my roommate's voice teacher. At that point I was playing my guitar more. He was good at helping young actors figure out what type they were castable as and also what they wanted to do.
At the time there were a lot of musicals on Broadway that were crossovers between the singer songwriter world. He said I fit into that world well. I told him about how I loved Once and he told me that I should go for the tour and any regional shows. So that's what we geared up to do. I learned 2 Once songs on the piano (and one on the guitar just for fun). I attended countless Once auditions and always felt a little out of place surrounded by real musicians trying to play the part of one. I didn't even know how to play the piano but I learned the songs. I even took a bus to Rochester to go to their local audition.
Well, I never made into the show.
But little did I know that trying to play the part of a songwriter I would fall in love with songwriting and realize I liked singing, writing, and performing my own songs far more than attempting to win the approval of casting directors.
Glen and Marketa ultimately helped me realize what I love more than anything in the world. Playing Marketa's beautiful piano melodies helped me to become attuned to music in a way I hadn't before as a singer. I was writing more than ever. I wrote with my friends. I wrote at church. I had caught the bug.
So tonight as I watched Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova invite the cast of Once from any version of the production onstage to sing with them, I was flooded with sudden emotion. I realized how much it had meant to me to get into that production. I wanted to leap up and join them but with a twinge of sadness I realized my dream of being in that cast would never come to pass.
As I walked home from the performance, undone again from live music, I remembered also how Glen had invited a young audience member who he had met busking in Boston- playing his song. That's when it hit me that my dreams are so much bigger now. That was the part of the show that I actually cried. I cried because I was totally happy for this person because they were actually doing it- they were pursuing music with a passion and they were being recognized for it. That's what I want for myself. I don't want to pretend to be a songwriter anymore.
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