When I felt good I took it for granted that it was not problem at all to chop veggies up and throw them in a pot. Now, on a bad day, it is painful. But if I don't have fresh food then I'm told I'm not helping myself heal. So I feel guilty (not to mention spend more money) if I buy take out or frozen food.
For someone who generally overanalyzes every decision she makes and often doesn't advocate for herself, I feel very much unable to cope with the after affects of COVID. It's been over a year since I first had symptoms. I now empathize with anyone who has any sort of pain. I think of how I would support new moms or someone who just had surgery or someone who was grieving the loss of a loved one by offering food and a shoulder to cry on and realize how much I had to learn.
For one thing, it's not just a one time need for one person to accomplish. People don't often continually voice their needs if they are continually in need. It feels like old news. I thought one time checking in on someone was sufficient. I think now I would check on them multiple times and rally more friends in on the process.
For another, I would change my approach. The general rule of thumb for any sort of pain is to listen. Effective listening does not offer my point of view. Often we think we know what someone is going through or what they should do for themselves or how we can help them but at the end of the day they are the ones that know best. Offering guidance isn't a bad thing. But finding out what a person really wants from their interaction with you is a good place to start before releasing all of your "knowledge" on them.
I've found more often than not that people do not understand nor do they care to understand what I am going through. This may seem harsh but the reality is that people automatically judge. It's what we do. I'm guilty of it! Even when we think we aren't, we are.
Like I said, people don't ask for help. It takes strategy to realize how to love someone well. I'm learning the more time I spend with social workers that there is a lot of skill and strategy that goes into helping people. But even when we fail at all of the above, if we still sense someone needs something, it's so worth it to try to help. I'm still overwhelmed by the love I have received, looking back on it. I had a friend drop groceries off for me and my boyfriend. I had people praying for me, calling me, texting me. It was unbelievable how many people cared about me.
When people ask me how I am doing, I often don't know what to say and it's exhausting to try and filter. The most honest answer without going into details is that I am managing. I have good days and I have bad days but I am managing. Does this mean I don't need help? No, it just means I'd rather be around people who acknowledge how much knowledge they actually have about the situation and so I'm not going into it further because I've had too many responses that are frankly ignorant.
I am grateful for this silent suffering because I feel that it makes me even more empathetic towards the millions of other people who suffer in silence and the myriads of reasons as to why they do.
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