The Pursuit of Knowledge

I’ve always loved the pursuit of knowledge. I know God hides mysteries so that we will seek them out. When I’m reading a well written article or hearing a well thought out argument I am so excited because it challenges me to think more about my own perspective.

For many years I’ve been attracted to men who thirst for knowledge. I realize it was the reason I dated the man I dated and why we spent countless hours debating God and existence. He challenged me. I loved it.

I think the reason my love of knowledge takes the shape of a love of humans who love knowledge is at first not a bad thing. I am person who naturally tends to accept the world the way it was presented to me. One person told me “You’re called to faith. I’m called to doubt.” While I do not think the things are mutually exclusive I do understand what he was pointing out: my intrinsic personally has faith that the world functions the way it functions and my knowledge does little to change that.

I remember asking my ex one day something along the lines of, “what do you think will solve the worlds greatest problems, reason or love?” When given a choice between reason and love, he chose reason. I chose love.

My personality looks at everything through the lens of relationship. Therefore it makes sense that I view my love of knowledge as an extension of myself with the goal being better engagement with other human beings.

I had a wake up call recently that I wasn’t really thinking about things anymore. Someone challenged me again and I just sat and thought for hours. I feel like it can become a perilous trap to always seek after others who hunger knowledge to challenge me. Relationships grow and change but you are always in control of your own mind.

So, while I’m so grateful for iron sharpening iron and this new hunger for knowledge placed inside me, I recognize I should be challenging myself. I’m asking myself: How can I grow in my pursuit of knowledge? What are the barriers to this? Why do I think I need other people to research things for me? Why don’t I feel confident in my left brain? Why am I the champion of emotions over reason? Like Solomon I want wisdom.  Wisdom owns knowledge and emotions.

My father, the person who spoke identity over me when I was young is built differently than me. He has a huge thirst for knowledge and as a mechanical engineer wants to understand how everything works. Since I was young I unknowingly differed to him because I believed he was smart and I was dumb. That lie has taken various forms but it has been something I’ve fought my whole life.

Its fascinating how the very thing I should be receiving from my father I am handing back to him. Hunger for knowledge for the benefit of mankind is actually my inheritance. My father has done sound at my church my entire life. Mind you, this is 20+ years of volunteer work for a church that actually employs people to do things. His desire to “figure things out” serves many people. It’s my inheritance.

As a female I think this point is also important. I’ve heard this over and over again from females so I know it’s not just me: we tend to be intimidated by the confidence of the men around us. So while we spend countless hours practicing, rehearsing, and thinking about a plan of action. When I a guy comes in with the opposite action but more confidently presents it, we instantly defer. “He must be right.” This becomes even more true when the men in the room multiply.

Don’t let the powerful people around you cancel you out.  I was singing back up on a team one day and I was just so happy that a guy on the team was singing I wasn’t pressing in for what I was supposed to release.  Find a way to support their power without negating yours (I feel like this is a blog post in and of itself).
The truth is that I am wise. I am more than capable. Yes, I was given a family to strengthen and encourage me. Yes, maybe my goals of seeking out truth are different than other people. However, I wasn’t meant to take a back seat and watch. I was meant to go after things. I want to be in the driver seat of my mind.