An Homage to the Men in my Life: Past, Present, and Future
Just
so you know, I’m not going to use names but I can assure you if you think, “Is
she talking about me?” I probably am.
So, whoever you are, thank you from the bottom of my heart for loving me
well. I have no ulterior motives
for saying this. I simply was
thinking about men and God’s perfect design of having two genders when I wrote
this. I am not trying to win back
anyone or get people to like me. I
am perfectly happy being single.
I
also mean to give credit where it’s due.
Ultimately, Jesus, who is the perfection of man and the image of what
man was created to be, is who deserves all the glory. He’s the one who constantly talks to me and reminds me that
I am beautiful and precious to him.
To begin…
I don’t have brothers. I have only one father. One man, however, cannot begin to
portray the perfection of manhood to anyone. Even if he is an amazing dad, he simply cannot do that. Because I only had one dad, I have always
been blessed with amazing guy friends who became brothers to me and were able
to fill in the gaps that were missing in my understanding of the full picture
of what God intended man to be and how I am supposed to be treated by him.
I
had a few guy friends growing up in my tight-knit church family who I knew
always had my back. I think what I
loved about them was that we did everything together! My dad worked a lot growing up so we didn’t get to spend a
lot of time together. Through High
School I had two particularly awesome guy friends who were incredible gentlemen
and handled my heart with such care.
Again, we talked about everything under the sun so I, as one who loves
to be understood through my words, felt completely validated. These guys set the bar very high for
any future suitors. I’m quite
happy about that.
My
dad never cooked or talked to me about my emotions. He was definitely the manly man who worked in the garage and
fixed everything in the house.
Because of this, I was blessed in college with guy friends who cooked
(one of them went on to study to be a chef)! These guys were also sensitive and
I wanted to be with someone who actually understood how I felt and could
synthesize it back to me!
Side
note: I think it’s a profound human experience when you suddenly share
something very vulnerable and it is not only accepted but built upon. As I think about one conversation I had
with a friend I realize our entire friendship has been based on this
conversation. If I had not shared that one thing I do not believe we would be friends today. It is incredible
when you’re so used to getting shut down or shoved aside when you truly believe
in something to have someone say to you, “I believe that too.” Yes, this happened too in college. There was a lot of emotional sharing
and tearing that happened in that season, whether necessary or not I’m still
not sure.
Then
there was IHOP. I had been a bit
wounded by this point in relationships and men were a bit a scary to me. I didn’t want to have close
relationships with any of them. I
was afraid of myself and of them.
It was fine for a while just keeping my distance but eventually the Lord
allowed those walls to crack as he took away my fears and healed my
wounds. Then I began some
wonderful friendships with some guys in my class. These I count as my dearest, closest brothers to this date
(they definitely know who they are).
On more than one occasion they would go out of their way to make sure my
heart was protected. When I
fearfully brought up boundaries thinking that I was being crazy, they honored
them without question and loved me still the more.
This
brings me up to now. This whole
thing actually started with me pondering how guys are so straightforward. You never have to guess what they’re
thinking! They truly are simple in
their thoughts. Now I’m not trying
to stereotype but this is just a general observation: guys are more business
like in the sense that they are really good at making decisions and being
rational about things. That again,
as I discovered in college, doesn’t mean they can’t be irrational like us. All humans are capable of much
emotion. But there is a naturally
tendency there, maybe not all, but in many to rationalize and fix the problem.
I
think maybe too I’ve come in contact with the more rational ones because that’s
what I need: someone to make sense of
the craziness that is me. I’m all
over the place. I’m a problem
solver too, in one sense, and I’m constantly trying to solve myself. For instance, when I was trying to
decide what to do after strike, I
threw emotions and thoughts at Sam Cerny and he just stared at me, took it all
in, and then said, “So, where are you going next?” What’s the bottom line? How are you getting from point A to point B? While the emotions are valid, sometimes
they are not important. I think
guys are so wonderful at helping me to understand this.
Also
they are great examples of what the Lord said when he said “let your yes be yes
and your no be no.” They tell you
exactly what they want. I have so
enjoyed living with a male in my apartment for the first time in my life. I know what David expects from me. He is not afraid to tell me, “I think
I’m done talking” when I almost talk his head off verbal-processing. I’ve been blessed with his endless
patience. Honestly, if I was a guy
I would not willingly live with a girl unless I was in love with her. Us women are crazy!
I
hope that this late night/early morning Valentine’s Day post is helpful to
anyone reading who does not know me.
And again, to those of you who I am writing about, I hope that I have
portrayed you in the best light possible.
I think we downplay the bonds of friendship between guys and girls and
the importance of it. Yet, as one
can see, I have been abundantly blessed by friends who surround me and love me
even when I’m afraid to let them in.
Jesus is like that. He
loves us and is gentle to our hearts.
He won’t leave us but he will never force his way in. He waits until we are ready to love him
in return.
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