Fun and Fearless

I’ve never felt so fun and fearless as I did this weekend.  What is it about being with a large group of friends who I know and love that energizes me?  What is it that brings out the best in me?  What brought me so much peace and joy?

I can only be me.

This is an important revelation for me.  I think I probably spend two thirds of my life comparing myself to others and wanting to be like them.  Yeah, if they’re wonderful people that can be good.  But I didn’t know what it meant to be me.

But then I had people around me championing me, cheering me on.  That’s when I realized I  can’t have Joann or Jeff’s crazy servant heart.  I’ll never know enough about pop culture or have the history Tasha and Michelle do.  I’m me.  That’s when I started receiving what the Father had to say about me.  He debunked a lot of lies.

1) Lie: “Jeff is a better worship leader, therefore he should lead.”

Truth: “I’m giving this one to you though.  Receive your breakthrough.”

I brought my guitar because I had been asked to.  We are a giant community of worshippers but Jeff and I are the only ones who play guitar.  The whole time I was planning on handing off the guitar to Jeff.  I’m happy to be second in command.  But Jeff happened to not be there when I was asked to play.  I received major breakthrough not only in realizing I could lead but, when I asked Jordan to lead a song singing, I felt like a confident guitar leader for the first time and connected some dots that I had not connected before.  I felt like for the first time I know what it means to lead on an instrument.

2) Lie: “If you share your heart, they’ll laugh at you.”

Truth: “Your heart matters to me.”

Here’s a funny story.  I was really vulnerable when someone asked me a question but, because of my wording, I got laughed at.  I was so embarrassed but the quick response of those around me to make my words matter was incredible to me.

3) Lie: “If they knew me they wouldn’t say that about me”

Truth: “I do know you and I love you because of that.”

I’m just such a unique person.  I can’t quite describe all the odd things I did this weekend.  Singing every second is a given.  I guess I was just constantly surprised that, in everything I did, I was encouraged.  I was constantly waiting for a negative word. I was waiting to be labeled a “weirdo.”  But my friends champion me.  They constantly verbally affirm everything about me.  Even when I can’t see the good in me they call it forth.  

I don’t remember what it was but at the beginning of the weekend I was in a weird place emotionally and feeling very insecure.  I said something not so great about myself.  My friend caught it and immediately renounced it.  It was like every demon that wanted to attach itself to me was running for the hills because my friends spoke the truth.

4) Lie: Your constant need for physical touch is weird.

Truth: Touch is good.

I got to know a few people over this weekend who are even more touchy feely than me.  They brought out another side to me.

5) Lie: You will never feel connected.  You are doomed to desire and lonliness.

Truth:  All weekend I was conversing with Lord over this strange phenomena of connection and how I deeply yearn to be connected to one person, knit together with every fiber of our being.  It was cool because I didn’t experience it with one person but with many.  I had a few one on one conversations where I felt deep connection.  I will cherish that feeling.

In short.  My love tank is full.  My friends and Papa God himself brought God’s heart for me all weekend.