Goodbyes

“Goodbye, until tomorrow…for I have been waiting.  I have been waiting for you” (song from my second favorite musical ever about a marriage breaking up for context)

I have a long line of unpublished blogs waiting to surface themselves.  Yet today I decided to write this.

I’m not very good at goodbyes.

I don’t think anyone is.

If you know me, however, you know I’m both sappy and overdramatic.  Thus, saying goodbyes becomes quite a drawn out, hyperbolic process for me.  I find myself almost physically clinging to the person leaving.  (Literally, recently when someone said goodbye to me the first thought that popped into my head in response was “No!” as I hugged them and didn’t want to let go.)

Recently though I’ve learned that some things like people leaving are actually emotional triggers for me.  It goes deeper than my zany actress self.  When I recognized this, it drew me into some soul-searching questions:

When I try to avoid interaction with a person who is leaving, what am I trying to protect?  Is it because I don’t trust that God knows what I need when I need it?  Do I think he’s a hateful God taking everything I love away?  Why did my grandpa have to die?  Why are my cat’s kidneys failing?

I’ve discovered maybe there are some untouched layers of my heart that need healing from past rejection where I may have felt abandoned.  It’s really not the person’s fault they’re leaving.  They are not intentionally trying to hurt me.  Nor is it God trying to take something good away from me. He is, after all, all knowing and has my best interest at heart.

How do I let go of this deep pain?  Well, for starters, I have to forgive people (even for things they didn’t intentionally do.  If my heart holds it against them, I still have to forgive.)  Then I have to reject those lies and accept the truth.  “I reject the lie that I have to protect my heart because God won’t…” etc.

Goodbyes are a part of life.  Goodbyes and how we cope with them actually help shape us.

I’m learning that it’s not about looking at my present condition and feeling sorry for myself.  It’s about rejoicing instead for the other person’s sake.  It’s about watching them go where they were meant to go.  It’s about cherishing memories and looking forward to a bright new future.

There really is an important lesson in David’s prayer, “God, you know my times and seasons.”  I also think the Beatles had it right when they said, “I don’t know why you say goodbye.  I say hello.”  Goodbyes, simply put, can and should be catalysts to a greater good as one chapter closes and another one begins.