Goodbyes

“Goodbye, until tomorrow…for I have been waiting.  I have been waiting for you” (song from my second favorite musical ever about a marriage breaking up for context)

I have a long line of unpublished blogs waiting to surface themselves.  Yet today I decided to write this.

I’m not very good at goodbyes.

I don’t think anyone is.

If you know me, however, you know I’m both sappy and overdramatic.  Thus, saying goodbyes becomes quite a drawn out, hyperbolic process for me.  I find myself almost physically clinging to the person leaving.  (Literally, recently when someone said goodbye to me the first thought that popped into my head in response was “No!” as I hugged them and didn’t want to let go.)

Recently though I’ve learned that some things like people leaving are actually emotional triggers for me.  It goes deeper than my zany actress self.  When I recognized this, it drew me into some soul-searching questions:

When I try to avoid interaction with a person who is leaving, what am I trying to protect?  Is it because I don’t trust that God knows what I need when I need it?  Do I think he’s a hateful God taking everything I love away?  Why did my grandpa have to die?  Why are my cat’s kidneys failing?

I’ve discovered maybe there are some untouched layers of my heart that need healing from past rejection where I may have felt abandoned.  It’s really not the person’s fault they’re leaving.  They are not intentionally trying to hurt me.  Nor is it God trying to take something good away from me. He is, after all, all knowing and has my best interest at heart.

How do I let go of this deep pain?  Well, for starters, I have to forgive people (even for things they didn’t intentionally do.  If my heart holds it against them, I still have to forgive.)  Then I have to reject those lies and accept the truth.  “I reject the lie that I have to protect my heart because God won’t…” etc.

Goodbyes are a part of life.  Goodbyes and how we cope with them actually help shape us.

I’m learning that it’s not about looking at my present condition and feeling sorry for myself.  It’s about rejoicing instead for the other person’s sake.  It’s about watching them go where they were meant to go.  It’s about cherishing memories and looking forward to a bright new future.

There really is an important lesson in David’s prayer, “God, you know my times and seasons.”  I also think the Beatles had it right when they said, “I don’t know why you say goodbye.  I say hello.”  Goodbyes, simply put, can and should be catalysts to a greater good as one chapter closes and another one begins. 

“Eat, Pray, Love”

Skeptical, unsure, and hesitant are all words that I would use to describe the way I came in to watching the movie.  For one thing, Julia Roberts has always bothered me.  For another, I I knew the storyline and was not thrilled to watch another movie about someone finding herself by going to India.  As the story evolved, however, amidst breathtaking views (as all movies should have) of Rome and Bali, I found that “Eat, Pray, Love” devolves topics that others have found challenging with honesty and integrity.

For those of you who have not seen the movie, read the book, or know the story at all, I’ll give you a brief rundown of the plot.  Liz, after a dissolved, emotionless marriage and screwed up relationship, realizes that she is the problem and decides she is going to leave her New York life and spend a year in Italy and then go to India.  The healing or spiritual renewal that she seeks she first finds through food, then friends, then meditation, and, finally, love.

First off, I tip my hat to the screenwriter who chose to not use clichés.  I found his original writing both witty and packed emotional punch.  There were countless times in the movie where I found phrases that he used hit home for me and I thought to myself, “That’s so true!”

Second, I love how the filmmaker (or original writer) used these two ideas: tastelessness and wonder. I wish I owned the movie because I would love to insert a direct quote here from the scene where Liz convinces her best friend (skillfully played by Viola Davis) that she has to go.  Liz blurts out superb lines about how she has become so apathetic to life she literally can’t taste anymore.  Then she goes on to describe how she wants to gaze on something beautiful in wonder again.  The picture painted in the movie of a person devoid of pleasure is both deep and all to true.  Later, the Italians spout off about how Americans work until their exhausted and then spend the weekend sleeping and watching TV because we don’t know how to live a pleasurable life.

Of course, the movie was about wounds and finding healing.  One scene that was powerful for me was the one where her Texan friend takes her to the spot on his roof where he says he tries to forgive.  What one doesn’t expect is this rough around the edges man weeping over losing his family because of his own selfishness.  This is where I think the movie delved so deep into truth: sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself.

I also think it was important that the doors to Liz finding healing were through forgiveness. If she hadn’t given the Texan a chance after he insulted her countless times, she never would have found the peace from their friendship that she did.  Similarly, if she hadn’t forgiven the other guy for running her off the road with his car, she never would have started a beautiful relationship with him.

The last theme expounded upon is love.  With Liz, love has sort of evaded her her whole life.  I think this movie is more transparent than most about the struggles we have in relationships to cling to relationships that are not good for us just because we’re scared of the unknown.  The scene where is weeping on the floor, separated from her lover, was so real to me.  The fact that the filmmaker chose to show this image as a flashback while she’s sitting on the floor in Italy is interesting too.  She is continually reminded that she will somehow screw it all up and so she doesn’t want to fall in love.  The realistic, subtle way this is presented cannot fully be expressed by my crude writing.  It all culminates in the last few moments of the movie where we see that fear keeps her from the very love that is supposed to heal her.  The honesty in depicting her struggle with that fear was stimulating to watch.

The addendum to this review on this thought provoking, transparent, and moral movie is my simple question: If this beautifully crafted, inspiring movie about healing was created by people who are still looking for healing, what are the people who have found healing up to these days?  Let me explain.  This movie I like to call secular culture’s version of what we Christians call “inner healing ministry.”  I mean, if you want be crude and simplify the movie, all she did was eat pasta and make friends and then come up with these deep and inspiring thoughts while cleaning out an Indian temple.  Yet even these crude attempts at spelling out healing do the Bible and God more justice than any Christian movie I’ve ever seen.

I would like to reiterate that all of the things that I found beautiful about this movie, all the ways that Liz found healing, are found in God.  God is the source of wonder.  The wonder one feels staring at something greater than them pales in comparison to the wonder we will ultimately feel as we gaze upon the glory of God.  We were meant to gaze upon that.  Furthermore, we were meant for eternal pleasures.  The Bible says, “In your presence is fullness of joy.  At your right hand are pleasures evermore.”

When Liz asks the Texan if he’s forgiven himself yet his response is, “I’m trying.”  That response broke my heart.  I know that with the blood of Jesus we can say, “I have.”  I know that can still sound cheap if you haven’t walked it out yet.  Recently, though, I have been learning a lot about inner healing.  As Holy Spirit has walked me through things I’ve discovered that I actually do have victory.  As soon as I forgive that thing goes away and I don’t have a feel it anymore.  It’s like a weight is lifted from my shoulders.  Jesus Christ gives us the power to forgive.

Finally, the most important truth from the Bible is that “Perfect love casts out fear.”  In my learning about inner healing I’ve discovered that fear is a major sign that something is wrong.  When we fear intimacy that points to a wound from our past that we need healing from.  And, as I said before, we don’t have to live with those wounds!  There’s freedom!

If anyone else can relate to the need for healing than you’re human.  You’re in luck.  There’s a cure.  You don’t even have to eat pasta in Italy to find it.